Passive-Agressive Behavior

Weekends over, then came Monday, and the appointments are still coming faster than I can find time to post. Before I have to leave for the VA hosp and then the VET Center today, I hope I can finish at least this post.

The veteran with PTSD will use an indirect means of communication of his/her anger and hostility through what is called Passive-Aggressive behavior. It will send mixed messages to those who are paying attention, and can create a real strain in relationships. It may make some fear the veteran or it may make others think he/she is fickle. At times the veteran will be very strong willed and forceful in his words or actions yet at other times he/she will seem calm and collective, almost meek. Some look at it as being on a fence, leaning both ways at once.

Passive-aggressive behavior uncontrolled can and almost always cause emotional problems such as depression, anxiety or anger-management issues. This behavior can also cause great conflict within the family or with peers/friends of the veteran. This usually leads to frustration in the veteran, which will lead to emotional or physical violence if left unchecked. It separates the veteran from others, if it hasn't already.

Some passive-aggressive comments or actions will be seen as mildly sarcastic. Other comments or actions can be seen as calm and cooperative, while other comments and actions can be seen as filled with anger, rage and hostility. And all of these can be seen during one single visit or meeting with the veteran.

It is essential for the veteran to seek the help needed to identify this symptom, to discover the cause and the triggers to this behavior and seek to change the way the veteran communicates his/her feelings. Only then will the veteran be able to move forward and continue his/her road to recovery.He/she needs to learn how to be assertive yet at the same time be positive and polite in his/her mannerism. The veteran must learn when to walk away from a situation that he/she will lose control of before it reaches the breaking point. When the veteran feels threatened, he/she must learn to react in the appropriate, mature response.

I think this is one of the symptoms that I displayed the most in public and created the most damage to my relationships with others. One minute I was on their side, standing behind them in agreement, yet a short time later I would be attacking that same person. I heard many a time that I needed to take my meds, even though at the time I thought nothing at all was wrong with me (denial). At that time I was not on any meds yet. I took it as just something that went along with arguments, not as causing the argument personally. For those of you who know what I am speaking about, I apologize for my behavior. I am not making any excuses for my behavior because I brought it on myself, but I did not know what I was actually doing. I know trust and forgiveness will not be forthcoming, and may never be accepted by some, but that is the price I pay for acting out in this way.

I know this is one of many of the PTSD symptoms that can be a disorder that is experienced by others separately from PTSD. Anxiety and depression is two others that can be confused as PTSD but yet be diagnoses as separate disorders. It is a confusing and frustrating disorder to have, but one that is not as uncommon these days as once was. Help is available, but time is the main enemy. Some veterans will never recuperate, or learn to live with it, while others will overcome this over years of therapy and counseling.

Some disorders are even confused as each other, such as anxiety attacks and panic attacks. There is a big difference between these, but to the everyday lay person, they seem to be the same. I'll try to explain this later on in another post. I hope I am creating awareness of this disorder so others do not have to wait 40 years for it to come to a head and seek the available help. Too many times recently you read about the killings and harm that a fellow vet has caused because this disorder went unchecked. Everyone must be made aware of the symptoms and get youyr loved ones and friends to a center that can help them. Time is an enemy with this disorder, since the damage is usually done before the problem is realised.

There is still allot more to cover, but time has run out for now, appointment time takes over for the rest of the day. I'll be back tomorrow or Thursday with more.