VietNam and it's lasting effects

Being in my late fifties now, life has been a combination of events, some good and some traumatic.

Starting at a young age, most of those in my age group faced the draft, since it was still in effect till a few years after my enlisting. Of course Vietnam was the biggest factor in everyone's mind as they went through their basic training and AIT. With me it was a bit different, growing up in my early childhood as an Army Brat, it was a given that I would enlist before being drafted. Of course being young also meant at times being stupid, not thinking through consequences of our actions.

The mid to late 1960's brought out a few decisions that I somewhat regret now. I was in a place that just wasn't as peaceful as many in that age group since I left my Mom's house to live with friends and on the streets just after turning 16. Enlisting in the Army was based on a few decisions I had to make. First of all, I grew up in my early childhood as an Army Brat, living on bases since my father was a lifer, so service life was not so new to me. My father and mother split up when I was still young though, so there were years of growing up with a single parent with my Mom. Being in and out of a Navy hospital most of my adolescent and early teen years also added to my familiarity of service life. Of course being brought up this way did have it's drawbacks and listening to adult supervision was not one of my strong points, thus resulting in leaving home while still in my mid teens. I guess you can say I fell into the wrong crowd, and doing things I should not have been was my way for sure. Most of my friends from those years are either in jail or drug addicts that died or are messed up. I chose to get away from it all by enlisting. The draft was still in play back then, and Vietnam was in full swing, but who really thinks things through when you are that age. I went into the service the same year as Woodstock took place, I joined in March and August was the concert. I was into music but of course could not attend, but my future wife did get to see and meet some of the groups that played, since she had a summer home just outside of Monticello.

I joined the Army for 3 years so I could pick what I thought was my career choice, mechanics. Basic training, AIT (Advance Individual Training) and then RVN (Republic of Vietnam) training led me up to leaving for a year in country (Vietnam) for the war. I was assigned to the 179th MID,(Military Intelligence Detachment), which was attached to the 199th LIB (Light Infantry Brigade). MID units do not have many personnel assigned to it, thus has very few vehicles to maintain, so "other" duties were the norm for me. For those who are not familiar with the VN war, the largest and deadliest TET offensive was in 1968, the year before my in country time. Both of my bases of operation, outside of Bien Hoa and Xuan Loc in III Core, were major areas that were hit, so it was considered a hot spot for infiltration from Cambodia to the west. In fact the 179th MID received the presidential award of meritorious service for that time because of it's intelligence saved numerous lives with an early warning. Daily sniper and mortor attacks were the norm and nighttime occurrences brought the locals out as the enemy found dead (body counts)outside of the perimeters, particularly at Xuan Loc. Our bunkers were sometimes used more than our barracks and tents. I remember several times loading up in back of a covered local truck with other unit members, driving through the plantations, trying to draw out the enemy in a fire fight.

During the beginning of my tour, just like any other greenies, I was scared. Then it became just a day to day job to me. Towards the end of my tour it became even more scarier as you became "short" and got closer to going home. The 199th LIB, created strictly for VN, was one of the first units to be deactivated by then President Nixon. Deactivation meant bringing all your material and supplies from your forward base (Xuan Loc) back down Rt 1 to our main base to be prepared to be turned in at the Long Bien depot. Of course the convoy was hit on one of our return trips which was one of the scariest times of my tour. It wasn't like the movies, you didn't sit and take aim at the enemy. You got out of you vehicle, crouched behind the wheel well of the truck, put your weapon on auto, if it was a M-16, and stuck it over the hood, pulling the trigger. I fired some grenade shells from my weapon. All you were supposed to do was create enough fire power to keep the enemy pinned down for a few minutes till the cobras came to the rescue. Two choppers, with mini guns flaring away, came down the roadside while you then hid under the trucks. When it was over, you got back in the vehicle, and when the first blown truck was pushed out of the way you continued on your way, with the choppers flying overhead for awhile. It wasn't like you see in Iraq now, armament was left only to a MP jeep with a 60 cal machine gun mounted on it towards the front and rear of the convoy, and a shotgun rider in each of the vehicles as a guard. I carried a 45 and a M-79 grenade launcher most of the time as my weapons, since I was usually a driver. I don't remember, but I might have had to change my shorts after that one.

For an 18 year old, even with my street smarts living outside the Bronx, this was a traumatic time for me. I thought I could handle it, but apparently I couldn't. 40 years later, here I sit with PTSD, with events of that year still bothering me.

I'm sure, even though we haven't talked about it yet, but my time volunteering with the American Red Cross for the hurricanes of 04 and 05 didn't help either. Being a shelter supervisor and also doing field work afterwards, along with being a DAT team leader for local fires, for almost a year and a half non stop, brought back memories as well.

What I do not like was that even though I thought I had it all under control, I really was just fooling myself. As some of you who know me saw, I was getting more and more "out of it" as time went by. It finally came to a head in the beginning of the year, and the rest is now what I write about on here, relaying my thoughts and experiences as I try to get a handle on it all, day by day.

As an afterthought, a past member of the 199th LIB in Vietnam, Jan Scruggs, is the one responsible for coming up with the idea, and gathering support and financial backing for the now famous Vietnam Wall memorial in DC. I still have not gotten the nerve up to visit it though, after all these years, and living most of them just a few hours away from it. Maybe one of these days on a trip back up north......

Well I guess that's about it for today. It has been a busy week with appointments so this is my first day to really try and relax a bit. Talk to you again soon.