Denial

"Denial is the refusal to acknowledge the truth of something. Denial is a defense mechanism to avoid anxiety and emotional pain."

The veteran can unconsciously use this mechanism to get around painful memories. No one really wants to admit to the possibility that others will look at them as being weak or in need of help, so getting past the denial phase can be very stressful.

Denial is our coping skill to protect ourselves from this stress, but it can, and usually in these cases, does backfire and make you feel worse. We try to convince ourselves that we are fine and do not need any help.

The truth may be that our lives are in chaos and we are having a difficult time functioning in society and everyday life. Often we have a problem with accepting reality because it implies vulnerability. At times we feel out of control and terrified, so denial feels safer than facing the truth. It is always easier to blame others than to admit your own faults.

Learning to discuss these feelings and emotions takes time for most people. With veterans, it is even more difficult because the majority of others have no idea what effects these traumatic experiences has had on us. Add onto this the additional traumas that we faced in our lives, before and after service, and the problem becomes even greater. The old saying of "you have to walk a mile in his shoes before you can really know what he is experiencing" is so true in this case. With so few of your friends or family that know what you really went through, having no experience in combat related or life threatening experiences themselves, makes expressing yourself even harder.

But considering the negative impact that you cause on family and friends is the key to getting past this denial. Seeking forgiveness, understanding and help is only the first step, but one that must be made in order to face reality and recovery. With the help of counseling, along with family and friends understanding what you have been going through, you can gain insight and learn to problem-solve effectively, and your self esteem will grow. You will eventually get to the point that allows you to identify the unrealistic fears, the unrealistic threats, grief and loss issues and anxiety triggers to denial. Hopefully you will get to a point where the defense mechanism of denial is no longer needed to cope with life.

Denial can magnify existing problems, so it is essential to learn how to develop the skills necessary to face life's situations openly, honestly and realistically. You learn you can master your life in a moment, one day at a time, without the need to deny anything, when you know you are supported by someone who understands. This makes anything possible.

But this early in the game, realizing that this is really possible to overcome appears to be insurmountable, a problem that I need to work very hard at completing. Just because I listen to the councilers, just because I retain what I write about here, does not mean I can live this way. Have I run out of time already? I am still seeking that answer today. There is so much more to face, isolation, loneliness, guilt, paranoia are only a few that come to mind. Am I really strong enough to get through it all?

I'll continue this at another time. Small steps each day lead to a week of progress. Your life is full of weeks that turn into months, that turn into years. When does it end? That is a question for each of us to ask ourselves.