Paranoia and Hypervigilance

One of the main traits of PTSD is paranoia and hypervigilance.

Paranoia is a haunting feeling of mistrust. Paranoia is also used diagnostically.

With me, this was a big problem. I remember a time that a past friend was just trying to help me and loan me his truck. Because of a simple statement made by a person who disliked him, I started to think this was not an offer of help, but instead a setup. Instead of taking the action of accepting a hand held out in help, I took it as a plan to come after me. That was just one of the many missed signs of what I was going through. That was just my paranoia. And from there you look to be around people who fuel that paranoia, not as a crutch, but as a way of avoiding the real fact that you are wrong. Instead of listening to reason, you try and find justification. So you look for people who are complete opposite of who you once was.

Paranoia can interfere with every aspect of your life as you fear intimacy and trust, as you instead turn to isolation, which I will discuss at another post time. The veteran may move away from being close to family, friends and all supports in an effort to feel safe because of all those suspicions and paranoid feelings. But in reality, being withdrawn and lonely from distancing yourself from others can increase the feelings of paranoia. The anxiety, depression and other symptoms of experiencing a traumatic event needs this support, not diminishing it.

Hypervigilance is a form of high alert to your body and mind. You are constantly looking for threats to yourself, either in your life or your environment. This level of alert is a survival skill first learned in stressful situations, such as combat. It most often will peak as a exaggerated startle reaction, another symptom displayed in PTSD. The body is working overtime and is never in a state of safe rest. Medication is usually necessary to get relief from these symptoms. Believe me, I know. As of today, I am on a combination of 11 medications, with all but 2 of them for these symptoms. PTSD, depression and anxiety is not fun once you realise what is happening to you. But the councilors are assuring me with work, support and time, everyone can usually reconnect with healthy thinking. In order to function better in my daily life, the councilors will help develop positive coping skills needed to avoid letting suspicions or paranoia control my life. But I am not doing to well with the relaxation skills that are needed to lower the stress and triggers to agitation in my life. I laugh when I think how many times they say relax, breath deep. All I want to do is attack instead. I guess it will take awhile to come around, but I am trying.

Each time I visit with a psychiatrist, a psychologist or a councilor, it brings me closer to realising I need help. But with that help, it hurts even worse, knowing how much of an ass I must be towards my family and friends.

There is so much more to this PTSD than I thought. More issues and symptoms need to be brought out in the open so awareness can be made. I am doing this both as a part of my rehabilitation efforts, but more for the other vet that has no idea what is happening to him/her. This is what is most important, getting the vet, or the non-vet, to realise there is a problem but there is help to overcome that problem.

We still have many topics to post on, but for now I am going to try and relax. I spent 7 hours at the VA hospital today. Enough is enough. Enjoy the weekend people, I'll try if you try, together we can still laugh a bit.