Stormy days do not help

I really do not like days like today, when it becomes dark and stormy. I have no choice other than being out in the mess, but my mind hates every minute of it. I'll explain why in a moment, but first I want to address the "question of the day", since many are asking me in E-mails and in person.

Because I have decided to step back from everything, both political and public, I will NOT be cooking at Old Bridge Park this year on the 4th, like I have for several years in the past. The reasons are simple, and has nothing to do with who is right and who is wrong.

First I do not want confrontation, this is not the time in my life that confrontations can sit well with me. It does not matter if the confrontation is over political minded people, or just someone who is impatient waiting for their burger to be ready, I don't need it.

Second, if it is not happening on my block, I don't care to be part of it. I have my own problems to deal with, don't need anyone else's to add to them. Maybe this will change in time for the November elections, who knows, and I don't really care right now.

Some of the meds I am on does not allow me to stand in the sun for hours on end. I get dizzy enough from the meds themselves, so getting light headed from being exposed to heat and the sun is not the high I like.

So for those who can not figure it out for themselves after reading the intro I wrote when I changed this blog, NO, I WILL NOT BE THERE GRILLING ON THE 4th OF JULY. I left a message for the MacNamaras on this, so they do know not to count on my support.

Now, with that out of the way, let me get on with the real purpose of the blog, PTSD and it's effect on veterans.

Stormy days suck. If you were in country, you know what monsoon season is like. Days like today, with the dark skies and the downpours, reminds me of that season. Thunder and lightning reminds me of explaosions. When the lights go off, even for a few seconds, I feel trapped and nervous. I react to the sound of heavy rain, the sound of thunder, the crack of a lightning hit, and don't like it. It is strange though, given the fact that I have spent every hurricane since Francis in 04 running a Red Cross shelter. When Katrina hit New Orleans, I stayed busy every single day, either running the Palm Meadows shelter for those who came over from The Big Easy, and inbetween doing family services both in the field and at the park in WPB. It was everday from the day before labor day till sometime in January that year. I was also a team leader for the local Disaster Assistance Team, the group that handle home fires for the rewsidents (hotels, food and clothing needs). It was a busy few years there, and at the time I thought nothing of it. The doctors say the pressure of those times, being in hurricanes and it's aftermath, especially in the capacity I was in, has added to my trauma but I never looked at it that way. Staying busy all the time, volunteering, kept my mind off the bad things that were happening in my mind. Now it is not so, resulting in my mind racing when it storms like it is now.

I have a busy week with appointments, so this blog gets put on the end of my list of "to do's", so for now I just came on to set the record straight for the 4th. You will not see me at the fireworks either, way to much noise for me.

For the moment, let me leave you with a poem that is in my collection, written by Ken Sylvia, a Combat Medic veteran.....

Morning Light

In the morning light
A darkness like night
Spreads and fills the air

A storm passing by
Teardrops fill his eye
He looks but no one is there

Ghosts from the past
Their faces all masked
Drifting, and chilling the air

He looks in their eyes
They flutter, then fly
There's no body there

Years pass by
And the stars all cry
For the man who's filled with despair

He looks through the glass
At his broken past
And finds, there's nobody there

They've all gone ahead
All living instead
In a dream realm, from some other time

So the ghosts from the past
Relinquish their task
And wish him an easy mind.......

I'll try and get the time to continue my posting on PTSD, but this week may be a bit sporatic, so stay tuned.

Panic and Anxiety Attacks

I have a trifold in my diagnosis, PTSD, Anxiety and Depression. Both Anxiety and Depression can be treated with medications that are similar, antidepressants. That is a weird name to me, since depression is when you are down, and they treat it with medications that also make you feel down (commonly called downers). I would think antidepressants would be more of a upper, to get you going, not slow you down. Oh well, I am not the scholar nor the doctor, so I take it as is.

Anxiety is one of the symptoms of PTSD, but Panic is not. That can be just as confusing as the antidepressant word. Because Panic attacks and Anxiety attacks are commonly interchanged in today's culture, most think it is the same. But that is not true, it is different and the treatment is different for both.

Panic attacks come on suddenly and without warning. Anxiety attacks build up and there are triggers that can be avoided to keep anxiety in check. Let's try to discuss the differences.

Panic attack is a reaction to what is happening right now. It can be something that concerns your mind or your body. You can think you are dizzy, shaky, feel like you are about to vomit, feel like you are about to pass out, feel like you can't breath etc. Or you can think you are losing control, going crazy. It usually comes on within 10 minutes of starting to worry or stressing out and lasts from a few minutes to maybe a few hours, no longer. So it is from something that is effecting you now, not in the past or future.

Anxiety attack is a reaction to worrying about something in your life, relationship or work. It is something that you think will happen so you stress about that possibility. It is not happening right now, but you worry so much that it is about to happen. It does not come on suddenly, since you are thinking about it happening in the future. Anxious is your heart racing, you are sweating, you are dizzy, you are having trouble breathing, you may take a heart attack or stroke because of anxiety. So it is real symptoms, not thoughts of symptoms happening. like in panic attacks. It builds over time with stress, once it starts it can last for a few minutes or it can last for days and weeks.

Panic attacks can bring on Anxiety attacks, but the reverse is not that probable. And the means that both are treated are as different as the symptoms. You can treat both with behavioral therapy and/or with medications. The dosage is stronger for anxiety than with panic. A lower dosage of antidepressants are used for panic so as not to effect the body in a way that triggers panic attacks (remember, panic is a result of something happening to your body or mind now). A higher antidepressant dosage is used for anxiety because you want the mind and body to slow itself down, or relax more.

It is confusing since they are so much alike, but I suffer from anxiety because I worry about what can happen, but I do not have panic attacks because it is not happening yet. Anxiety is more over time or takes more time while panic is now and then it's over with.

I have antidepressants for both my mood and for sleeping. It all gets tangled in the web of PTSD, so it can be a blur at times.

Anyone can take a panic attack, but you need a reason to experience an anxiety attack.

It will all become clearer as we go into more symptoms of the PTSD, but for now just remember anxiety is part/symptom of PTSD and panic is not.

It's a weekend again, so time to relax. I might post another letter or poem over the weekend, but no discussions on PTSD. So sit back and relax, enjoy it while you can.

Passive-Agressive Behavior

Weekends over, then came Monday, and the appointments are still coming faster than I can find time to post. Before I have to leave for the VA hosp and then the VET Center today, I hope I can finish at least this post.

The veteran with PTSD will use an indirect means of communication of his/her anger and hostility through what is called Passive-Aggressive behavior. It will send mixed messages to those who are paying attention, and can create a real strain in relationships. It may make some fear the veteran or it may make others think he/she is fickle. At times the veteran will be very strong willed and forceful in his words or actions yet at other times he/she will seem calm and collective, almost meek. Some look at it as being on a fence, leaning both ways at once.

Passive-aggressive behavior uncontrolled can and almost always cause emotional problems such as depression, anxiety or anger-management issues. This behavior can also cause great conflict within the family or with peers/friends of the veteran. This usually leads to frustration in the veteran, which will lead to emotional or physical violence if left unchecked. It separates the veteran from others, if it hasn't already.

Some passive-aggressive comments or actions will be seen as mildly sarcastic. Other comments or actions can be seen as calm and cooperative, while other comments and actions can be seen as filled with anger, rage and hostility. And all of these can be seen during one single visit or meeting with the veteran.

It is essential for the veteran to seek the help needed to identify this symptom, to discover the cause and the triggers to this behavior and seek to change the way the veteran communicates his/her feelings. Only then will the veteran be able to move forward and continue his/her road to recovery.He/she needs to learn how to be assertive yet at the same time be positive and polite in his/her mannerism. The veteran must learn when to walk away from a situation that he/she will lose control of before it reaches the breaking point. When the veteran feels threatened, he/she must learn to react in the appropriate, mature response.

I think this is one of the symptoms that I displayed the most in public and created the most damage to my relationships with others. One minute I was on their side, standing behind them in agreement, yet a short time later I would be attacking that same person. I heard many a time that I needed to take my meds, even though at the time I thought nothing at all was wrong with me (denial). At that time I was not on any meds yet. I took it as just something that went along with arguments, not as causing the argument personally. For those of you who know what I am speaking about, I apologize for my behavior. I am not making any excuses for my behavior because I brought it on myself, but I did not know what I was actually doing. I know trust and forgiveness will not be forthcoming, and may never be accepted by some, but that is the price I pay for acting out in this way.

I know this is one of many of the PTSD symptoms that can be a disorder that is experienced by others separately from PTSD. Anxiety and depression is two others that can be confused as PTSD but yet be diagnoses as separate disorders. It is a confusing and frustrating disorder to have, but one that is not as uncommon these days as once was. Help is available, but time is the main enemy. Some veterans will never recuperate, or learn to live with it, while others will overcome this over years of therapy and counseling.

Some disorders are even confused as each other, such as anxiety attacks and panic attacks. There is a big difference between these, but to the everyday lay person, they seem to be the same. I'll try to explain this later on in another post. I hope I am creating awareness of this disorder so others do not have to wait 40 years for it to come to a head and seek the available help. Too many times recently you read about the killings and harm that a fellow vet has caused because this disorder went unchecked. Everyone must be made aware of the symptoms and get youyr loved ones and friends to a center that can help them. Time is an enemy with this disorder, since the damage is usually done before the problem is realised.

There is still allot more to cover, but time has run out for now, appointment time takes over for the rest of the day. I'll be back tomorrow or Thursday with more.

It's the weekend, just want to post this

I am trying to relax for the weekend, so I do not want to post about what is going on in my life. Instead I just want to post something that I have a copy of, something from a fellow vet's wife on the subject. I did not go through anywhere near as much as he did, I did not fight in the jungles of Vietnam on a daily basis, only accasionally during my tour. 3 tours is too much for anyone to handle back then. The memories of that much trauma is too much for anybody to keep in their minds and hearts.

"TO MY VIETNAM VET- YOU, ME AND PTSD..."
Written by Sharon L. Lugdon, wife of a V/N Vet

"I heard the words PTSD-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Immediately my mind went into overdrive. It sounded like some of what my vet had been experiencing. My vet's mood could change very quickly. I never realized there was anything wrong with him. I would say to him, "you act just like your father."

For years I felt him toss and turn in bed beside me. He'd moan and groan, sometimes crying out- nightmares. Rarely did we talk about Nam, but, when we did, I captured every word, storing them away. There was always negativity about the way he was treated when he returned to the good ol' USA.

I believe to this day he did not want to burden our children or me with the terrible things he saw. I suppose if you could think of the very worst thing that could happen in Vietnam- it probably happened to my vet.

Three years, three purple hearts, living day to day, meal to meal... Was there any food to eat? Were they going to get supplies, ammunition, before they ran out? Not being able to wash for weeks. Being so damn scared that Charlie might be right around the corner, waiting to kill you. Don't close your eyes- you might not wake up. Running, always running from foxhole to another. A tree, mound of dirt, anything you could hide behind and catch your breath then run again. My God, how horrible to exist like that. I don't know how governmental officials slept at night.

I am so proud of my vet for enduring such ungodly days and nights defending our country. I proudly stand facing our nation telling everyone how proud I am that my husband fought in such a place. On his first tour he was only 20 years old, amazing isn't it? I pray for peace for him- a nights sleep without seeing the faces and bodies of friends wounded, slaughtered.

Days go by, a new day starts. The look in his eyes, at times, brings tears to my eyes. We, spouses of vets, can only imagine if they will ever have a really good day.

I will be there for my vet for the long haul. We will work on this thing called PTSD for the rest of our lives."

Paranoia and Hypervigilance

One of the main traits of PTSD is paranoia and hypervigilance.

Paranoia is a haunting feeling of mistrust. Paranoia is also used diagnostically.

With me, this was a big problem. I remember a time that a past friend was just trying to help me and loan me his truck. Because of a simple statement made by a person who disliked him, I started to think this was not an offer of help, but instead a setup. Instead of taking the action of accepting a hand held out in help, I took it as a plan to come after me. That was just one of the many missed signs of what I was going through. That was just my paranoia. And from there you look to be around people who fuel that paranoia, not as a crutch, but as a way of avoiding the real fact that you are wrong. Instead of listening to reason, you try and find justification. So you look for people who are complete opposite of who you once was.

Paranoia can interfere with every aspect of your life as you fear intimacy and trust, as you instead turn to isolation, which I will discuss at another post time. The veteran may move away from being close to family, friends and all supports in an effort to feel safe because of all those suspicions and paranoid feelings. But in reality, being withdrawn and lonely from distancing yourself from others can increase the feelings of paranoia. The anxiety, depression and other symptoms of experiencing a traumatic event needs this support, not diminishing it.

Hypervigilance is a form of high alert to your body and mind. You are constantly looking for threats to yourself, either in your life or your environment. This level of alert is a survival skill first learned in stressful situations, such as combat. It most often will peak as a exaggerated startle reaction, another symptom displayed in PTSD. The body is working overtime and is never in a state of safe rest. Medication is usually necessary to get relief from these symptoms. Believe me, I know. As of today, I am on a combination of 11 medications, with all but 2 of them for these symptoms. PTSD, depression and anxiety is not fun once you realise what is happening to you. But the councilors are assuring me with work, support and time, everyone can usually reconnect with healthy thinking. In order to function better in my daily life, the councilors will help develop positive coping skills needed to avoid letting suspicions or paranoia control my life. But I am not doing to well with the relaxation skills that are needed to lower the stress and triggers to agitation in my life. I laugh when I think how many times they say relax, breath deep. All I want to do is attack instead. I guess it will take awhile to come around, but I am trying.

Each time I visit with a psychiatrist, a psychologist or a councilor, it brings me closer to realising I need help. But with that help, it hurts even worse, knowing how much of an ass I must be towards my family and friends.

There is so much more to this PTSD than I thought. More issues and symptoms need to be brought out in the open so awareness can be made. I am doing this both as a part of my rehabilitation efforts, but more for the other vet that has no idea what is happening to him/her. This is what is most important, getting the vet, or the non-vet, to realise there is a problem but there is help to overcome that problem.

We still have many topics to post on, but for now I am going to try and relax. I spent 7 hours at the VA hospital today. Enough is enough. Enjoy the weekend people, I'll try if you try, together we can still laugh a bit.

Denial

"Denial is the refusal to acknowledge the truth of something. Denial is a defense mechanism to avoid anxiety and emotional pain."

The veteran can unconsciously use this mechanism to get around painful memories. No one really wants to admit to the possibility that others will look at them as being weak or in need of help, so getting past the denial phase can be very stressful.

Denial is our coping skill to protect ourselves from this stress, but it can, and usually in these cases, does backfire and make you feel worse. We try to convince ourselves that we are fine and do not need any help.

The truth may be that our lives are in chaos and we are having a difficult time functioning in society and everyday life. Often we have a problem with accepting reality because it implies vulnerability. At times we feel out of control and terrified, so denial feels safer than facing the truth. It is always easier to blame others than to admit your own faults.

Learning to discuss these feelings and emotions takes time for most people. With veterans, it is even more difficult because the majority of others have no idea what effects these traumatic experiences has had on us. Add onto this the additional traumas that we faced in our lives, before and after service, and the problem becomes even greater. The old saying of "you have to walk a mile in his shoes before you can really know what he is experiencing" is so true in this case. With so few of your friends or family that know what you really went through, having no experience in combat related or life threatening experiences themselves, makes expressing yourself even harder.

But considering the negative impact that you cause on family and friends is the key to getting past this denial. Seeking forgiveness, understanding and help is only the first step, but one that must be made in order to face reality and recovery. With the help of counseling, along with family and friends understanding what you have been going through, you can gain insight and learn to problem-solve effectively, and your self esteem will grow. You will eventually get to the point that allows you to identify the unrealistic fears, the unrealistic threats, grief and loss issues and anxiety triggers to denial. Hopefully you will get to a point where the defense mechanism of denial is no longer needed to cope with life.

Denial can magnify existing problems, so it is essential to learn how to develop the skills necessary to face life's situations openly, honestly and realistically. You learn you can master your life in a moment, one day at a time, without the need to deny anything, when you know you are supported by someone who understands. This makes anything possible.

But this early in the game, realizing that this is really possible to overcome appears to be insurmountable, a problem that I need to work very hard at completing. Just because I listen to the councilers, just because I retain what I write about here, does not mean I can live this way. Have I run out of time already? I am still seeking that answer today. There is so much more to face, isolation, loneliness, guilt, paranoia are only a few that come to mind. Am I really strong enough to get through it all?

I'll continue this at another time. Small steps each day lead to a week of progress. Your life is full of weeks that turn into months, that turn into years. When does it end? That is a question for each of us to ask ourselves.

One common symptom of PTSD is ANGER

Anger is a powerful emotion and is experienced for many reasons.

Anger can be expressed with physical and emotional agitation, frustration, indignation, exasperation, hostility or extreme displeasure.

Anger can be expressed physically or emotionally towards oneself or to others.

Aggression can be acted out as a result of the anger causing the veteran to engage in destructive behavior towards their self, others or property.

Aggression may manifest in verbal attacks, violent behavior, general hostility, threats being made towards self or others or agitation. It can take control of the strongest of persons and take on a life of it's own.

Anger and aggression can and almost always lead to depression, another symptom to be discussed later on.

Anger is experienced by many. It can be experienced in a varied degree from mild to extreme rage. When anger is expressed appropriately, the outcome can be positive, promoting growth and facilitating change. When expressed in a negative or dangerous way, the result is hurt feelings to self, family and friends, injury, and physical or emotional illness. This is when anger turned inward causes depression.

Many veterans are not aware of the angry feelings at first. It can take a month, a year or even decades before this anger reaches a point that is recognizable to the veteran, or it is pointed out by professionals or others to the veteran. But they say usually, the anger will rise to the surface sooner or later and the "volcano" will blow. Most will not understand the full force anger has on the veteran unless you have been there, have walked there and have experienced it. That is why it is always good for the veteran to talk with those who understand rather than keep them bottled up inside which causes problems. You must get to the point where you realise that there is safety and understanding in sharing your anger before it gets to the breaking point. Anger can and will effect relationships with family, with friends, with neighbors and with work.

For me, I think I have waited to long, and have destroyed the relationship with many I know and care for. For this I apologize, but realise that it is too late to change those consequences. My councilors say different, but I still can not see changes or undoing what has already happened. It just doesn't work that way. But we will see what happens as time goes by and my treatment progresses.

Next time I post, I think it will be about denial symptom.

What is PTS and PTSD

PTS is Post Traumatic Stress and PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Keeping in mind I am not a professional or expert in the field, and I am going by what I am being told, the easy way of explaining the meaning and difference of both is this:

PTS is the cause of the problem and PTSD is the diagnosis and treatment of the problem. While they both are commonly associated with active service or veterans of the Armed Services, anyone can experience PTS or be diagnosed with PTSD. For now, most of what I want to talk about, and most of what is available for treatment to date, has to do with what effects the active members and veterans of the Armed Services. At times examples of events effecting the public will also be listed. Also, just like tobacco, secondary PTS can effect the family and close friends of someone experiencing PTSD, but so far as I know, nothing is really being done on a large scale treatment that is available for them yet. This is called STSD.

Post means after, which follows the event or combinations of events. These events could have taken place recently, such as in Iraq or far in the past, such as during the Vietnam era. They also can be a combination of events, say during the active service of a veteran and then during a natural disaster, combining different events into one person's mind. But in the long run, it starts with a life threatening event such as being in a combat zone, and then can be exasperated by follow up events.

Traumatic means very, very disturbing. This can be life threatening events, or the fear of being in a life threatening event such as combat. In the public role, such events can be a person experiencing a bad hurricane, or a tornado, a fire, or a flood, which they thought something bad, like the house they are in blowing away. It can also be a really bad accident which they almost died in. All of these examples can be considered as traumatic along with many other types of events.

Stress is the reaction to the event, such as your heart beating faster, headaches, thoughts of loosing control of a situation, just about anything that is not normal to your body's regular motion or action.

Disorder simply means something that is not right, or out of order.

These may seem like such a simple explanation, but the effects on a person is not as simple. They can be held at bay for decades at a time, such as with a Vietnam Veteran, coming out and effecting their life 40 years later. This also has to do with the denial of having PTSD, thinking you have it under control, not needing any help. It can be as recent as our brothers and sisters are experiencing in Iraq and Afghanistan now. What makes it even worse is there are many, many different symptoms that can add up to PTSD but can be overlooked if not drawn together into a single diagnosis. While a veteran could have experienced many violent and disturbing events during a single tour of duty, so can the public by experiencing gang shootings, armed robberies, or natural events. This is important to remember so you should never think just because you did not serve in combat you can not have PTSD.

Diagnostic Criteria for PTSD can, at times, be easy or at times be complicated. There are several events and symptoms that need to be present to separate a diagnosis of PTSD from other disorders that can be confused as PTSD, but stand alone. The event or events must have been experienced, but not all of the symptoms, just most of the symptoms are being experienced.

The first criteria is the event.
The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both the following were present:
A) Experienced, witnessed or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual, threatened or conceived the possibility of death or serious injury, or the threat of the physical integrity of their self or others.
B) The person's response involved experiencing intense fear, helplessness or horror/horrific consequences.

The first symptom is listed as recollection of the event in some fashion, such as recurrent dreams, images, thoughts or perception. These are commonly referred to as flashbacks, but that is not always the case. They can be physiological reactivity to exposure of internal or external causes that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.

Next is the persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event, which includes numbing of general responsiveness not general present before the trauma. A combination of 3 or more of these symptoms are expected to be present:
This can include efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings or conversations associated with the event. This is why many vets do not like to speak about their experiences to others.
They can also avoid activities, places or people that will arouse recollections of the event.
They can have the inability to recall an important aspect of the event, even though the event itself is recalled.
Diminished interest or participation in significant activities is also a symptom that can be present.
Feeling detachment or estrangement from others is common.
Restricted range of affection, such as showing loving or caring feelings is common.
And the final of the common responses, even though these are not all of the responses looked for, is a sense of foreshortened future, an example would be the veteran or person does not expect to have a full career, marriage, children, or normal life span.

Physical symptoms are also indication of PTSD, with the combination of at least 2 of the following:
Difficulty falling or staying asleep.
Irritability or outburst of anger.
Difficulty concentrating.
Hypervigilance or Paranoia.
Exaggerated startle response, reaction to loud noises or sudden awareness of someones presence.

The above listed symptoms, psychological or physical is being experienced longer than one month and the disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.

Diagnosing the disorder also must be categorically classified as being:
Acute: if duration of symptoms is less than 3 months
Chronic: if duration of symptoms are 3 months or more
and if,
Delayed Onset: if onset of symptoms is at least 6 months after the stressor/event or combination of events.


In my next post, I will start to explain some of the symptoms and effects that make living with PTSD can have on the veteran or a person living with STSD.

New Postings

As I venture into this topic of veterans and their problems in treating some of the effects that spending time in the military and combat zones, and their life in general because of it, I will be referencing several sources. One of the main sources will be interpretations and quoting from Stephanie Laite Lanham's book "Veterans and Families Guide to Recovering from PTSD". Other information will be from my own thoughts and actual dealings/treatments with the help available from the Veterans Admin, the Veterans Hospital and it's clinics, the Lake Worth Vet Center and other sources.

Some of the topics will be PTS and PTSD, which is Post Tramatic Stress and Post Tramatic Stress Disorder.

Other topics will be issues that contribute or are a result of this disorder, such as Anger, Anxiety/Hyperarousal, Cronic Pain, Compulsion, Confusion, Crisis, Delusions, Denial, Depression, Guilt, Isolation, Loneliness, Low Self-Esteem, Paranoia/Hypervigilance, Passive-Aggresive Behavior Sleep Disorders, Substance Abuse and Suicidal Thoughts or Ideation, among other topics.

While I do not claim to be a proffesional in any of these fields, my main goal is to create awareness of these symptoms and the available help for them. For 40 years now I have had problems that originated in the service, but until now, I have denied that I was suffering from them. I do not want any other veteran to go through what I have without letting them know help is available in many forms, and one should not be embarrassed or afraid to ask for that help.

This is the main objective of this blog from today forward.

Just a thought

With everything going on in the City of Lake Worth, and with all the bickering between the groups with different trains of thought, along with all the crap I am dealing with in my life, I can't even think of getting involved with any one topic that concerns the city. For now, I will discuss the Armed Service Veterans, the VA Hospital, the Vet Center, and Veterans and Families trying to recover from PTSD.

To start with a lighter entry, someone sent me an E-mail with a few jokes and this is the one that I thought was worth while sharing. I have no idea who the original picture was taken by.

For all those that have a neighbor that bugs you, or for all those who attend the city meetings, or have to deal with one of our community leaders or activists, this is the only response you need to give.......

This will be the last, or at least for a long time, I comment on our city and it's groups.

A "Soldier's Night Before Xmas".

I have always enjoyed this poem at Xmas time for the past few years. It has also been converted to a Xmas song since 2004, plays allot on WIRK Country.

The origins is said to date back to Clement Moore in 1822, written for his children. But records can only be verified to go back to Lance Corporal James M. Schmidt stationed in Wash DC in 1986 or 1991 (never found which date was true, both are listed on several sites). Other sites place the writting by a marine in Korea, and another in Afganistan, saying it was dated after Sept 11, 2001, and was updated almost every year over the next few years. The versions include a "Marine's" and "Sailor's" one besides the one listed as just a "Soldiers" Night before Xmas (the ending sentences are changed to reflect the branch). The last version that was updated was in 2004 that I know of, which was the song version. Some of the recent postings say while it was written, the author asked to pass it along via E-mail, but the request is not attached to the earlier versions.

But really, it doesn't matter who or when it was written, I still enjoy listening to it each and every year I hear it on the radio. So now I pass it along to you.

Enjoy the holidays, and for those who do not like supporting our troops, go to hell.

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.
I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE.
NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.

WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND.
FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.
THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.

WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.
THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.
THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY.

THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
'SANTA DON'T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;
I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS.'

THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT.
THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, 'CARRY ON SANTA, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE.'

ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
'MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.'

7 Years Ago Today, We Remember.....