Stormy days do not help

I really do not like days like today, when it becomes dark and stormy. I have no choice other than being out in the mess, but my mind hates every minute of it. I'll explain why in a moment, but first I want to address the "question of the day", since many are asking me in E-mails and in person.

Because I have decided to step back from everything, both political and public, I will NOT be cooking at Old Bridge Park this year on the 4th, like I have for several years in the past. The reasons are simple, and has nothing to do with who is right and who is wrong.

First I do not want confrontation, this is not the time in my life that confrontations can sit well with me. It does not matter if the confrontation is over political minded people, or just someone who is impatient waiting for their burger to be ready, I don't need it.

Second, if it is not happening on my block, I don't care to be part of it. I have my own problems to deal with, don't need anyone else's to add to them. Maybe this will change in time for the November elections, who knows, and I don't really care right now.

Some of the meds I am on does not allow me to stand in the sun for hours on end. I get dizzy enough from the meds themselves, so getting light headed from being exposed to heat and the sun is not the high I like.

So for those who can not figure it out for themselves after reading the intro I wrote when I changed this blog, NO, I WILL NOT BE THERE GRILLING ON THE 4th OF JULY. I left a message for the MacNamaras on this, so they do know not to count on my support.

Now, with that out of the way, let me get on with the real purpose of the blog, PTSD and it's effect on veterans.

Stormy days suck. If you were in country, you know what monsoon season is like. Days like today, with the dark skies and the downpours, reminds me of that season. Thunder and lightning reminds me of explaosions. When the lights go off, even for a few seconds, I feel trapped and nervous. I react to the sound of heavy rain, the sound of thunder, the crack of a lightning hit, and don't like it. It is strange though, given the fact that I have spent every hurricane since Francis in 04 running a Red Cross shelter. When Katrina hit New Orleans, I stayed busy every single day, either running the Palm Meadows shelter for those who came over from The Big Easy, and inbetween doing family services both in the field and at the park in WPB. It was everday from the day before labor day till sometime in January that year. I was also a team leader for the local Disaster Assistance Team, the group that handle home fires for the rewsidents (hotels, food and clothing needs). It was a busy few years there, and at the time I thought nothing of it. The doctors say the pressure of those times, being in hurricanes and it's aftermath, especially in the capacity I was in, has added to my trauma but I never looked at it that way. Staying busy all the time, volunteering, kept my mind off the bad things that were happening in my mind. Now it is not so, resulting in my mind racing when it storms like it is now.

I have a busy week with appointments, so this blog gets put on the end of my list of "to do's", so for now I just came on to set the record straight for the 4th. You will not see me at the fireworks either, way to much noise for me.

For the moment, let me leave you with a poem that is in my collection, written by Ken Sylvia, a Combat Medic veteran.....

Morning Light

In the morning light
A darkness like night
Spreads and fills the air

A storm passing by
Teardrops fill his eye
He looks but no one is there

Ghosts from the past
Their faces all masked
Drifting, and chilling the air

He looks in their eyes
They flutter, then fly
There's no body there

Years pass by
And the stars all cry
For the man who's filled with despair

He looks through the glass
At his broken past
And finds, there's nobody there

They've all gone ahead
All living instead
In a dream realm, from some other time

So the ghosts from the past
Relinquish their task
And wish him an easy mind.......

I'll try and get the time to continue my posting on PTSD, but this week may be a bit sporatic, so stay tuned.