Being in my late fifties now, life has been a combination of events, some good and some traumatic.
Starting at a young age, most of those in my age group faced the draft, since it was still in effect till a few years after my enlisting. Of course Vietnam was the biggest factor in everyone's mind as they went through their basic training and AIT. With me it was a bit different, growing up in my early childhood as an Army Brat, it was a given that I would enlist before being drafted. Of course being young also meant at times being stupid, not thinking through consequences of our actions.
The mid to late 1960's brought out a few decisions that I somewhat regret now. I was in a place that just wasn't as peaceful as many in that age group since I left my Mom's house to live with friends and on the streets just after turning 16. Enlisting in the Army was based on a few decisions I had to make. First of all, I grew up in my early childhood as an Army Brat, living on bases since my father was a lifer, so service life was not so new to me. My father and mother split up when I was still young though, so there were years of growing up with a single parent with my Mom. Being in and out of a Navy hospital most of my adolescent and early teen years also added to my familiarity of service life. Of course being brought up this way did have it's drawbacks and listening to adult supervision was not one of my strong points, thus resulting in leaving home while still in my mid teens. I guess you can say I fell into the wrong crowd, and doing things I should not have been was my way for sure. Most of my friends from those years are either in jail or drug addicts that died or are messed up. I chose to get away from it all by enlisting. The draft was still in play back then, and Vietnam was in full swing, but who really thinks things through when you are that age. I went into the service the same year as Woodstock took place, I joined in March and August was the concert. I was into music but of course could not attend, but my future wife did get to see and meet some of the groups that played, since she had a summer home just outside of Monticello.
I joined the Army for 3 years so I could pick what I thought was my career choice, mechanics. Basic training, AIT (Advance Individual Training) and then RVN (Republic of Vietnam) training led me up to leaving for a year in country (Vietnam) for the war. I was assigned to the 179th MID,(Military Intelligence Detachment), which was attached to the 199th LIB (Light Infantry Brigade). MID units do not have many personnel assigned to it, thus has very few vehicles to maintain, so "other" duties were the norm for me. For those who are not familiar with the VN war, the largest and deadliest TET offensive was in 1968, the year before my in country time. Both of my bases of operation, outside of Bien Hoa and Xuan Loc in III Core, were major areas that were hit, so it was considered a hot spot for infiltration from Cambodia to the west. In fact the 179th MID received the presidential award of meritorious service for that time because of it's intelligence saved numerous lives with an early warning. Daily sniper and mortor attacks were the norm and nighttime occurrences brought the locals out as the enemy found dead (body counts)outside of the perimeters, particularly at Xuan Loc. Our bunkers were sometimes used more than our barracks and tents. I remember several times loading up in back of a covered local truck with other unit members, driving through the plantations, trying to draw out the enemy in a fire fight.
During the beginning of my tour, just like any other greenies, I was scared. Then it became just a day to day job to me. Towards the end of my tour it became even more scarier as you became "short" and got closer to going home. The 199th LIB, created strictly for VN, was one of the first units to be deactivated by then President Nixon. Deactivation meant bringing all your material and supplies from your forward base (Xuan Loc) back down Rt 1 to our main base to be prepared to be turned in at the Long Bien depot. Of course the convoy was hit on one of our return trips which was one of the scariest times of my tour. It wasn't like the movies, you didn't sit and take aim at the enemy. You got out of you vehicle, crouched behind the wheel well of the truck, put your weapon on auto, if it was a M-16, and stuck it over the hood, pulling the trigger. I fired some grenade shells from my weapon. All you were supposed to do was create enough fire power to keep the enemy pinned down for a few minutes till the cobras came to the rescue. Two choppers, with mini guns flaring away, came down the roadside while you then hid under the trucks. When it was over, you got back in the vehicle, and when the first blown truck was pushed out of the way you continued on your way, with the choppers flying overhead for awhile. It wasn't like you see in Iraq now, armament was left only to a MP jeep with a 60 cal machine gun mounted on it towards the front and rear of the convoy, and a shotgun rider in each of the vehicles as a guard. I carried a 45 and a M-79 grenade launcher most of the time as my weapons, since I was usually a driver. I don't remember, but I might have had to change my shorts after that one.
For an 18 year old, even with my street smarts living outside the Bronx, this was a traumatic time for me. I thought I could handle it, but apparently I couldn't. 40 years later, here I sit with PTSD, with events of that year still bothering me.
I'm sure, even though we haven't talked about it yet, but my time volunteering with the American Red Cross for the hurricanes of 04 and 05 didn't help either. Being a shelter supervisor and also doing field work afterwards, along with being a DAT team leader for local fires, for almost a year and a half non stop, brought back memories as well.
What I do not like was that even though I thought I had it all under control, I really was just fooling myself. As some of you who know me saw, I was getting more and more "out of it" as time went by. It finally came to a head in the beginning of the year, and the rest is now what I write about on here, relaying my thoughts and experiences as I try to get a handle on it all, day by day.
As an afterthought, a past member of the 199th LIB in Vietnam, Jan Scruggs, is the one responsible for coming up with the idea, and gathering support and financial backing for the now famous Vietnam Wall memorial in DC. I still have not gotten the nerve up to visit it though, after all these years, and living most of them just a few hours away from it. Maybe one of these days on a trip back up north......
Well I guess that's about it for today. It has been a busy week with appointments so this is my first day to really try and relax a bit. Talk to you again soon.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder
It was a long awaited weekend, the 4th, relaxing and BBQing, just with fewer people than usual since I avoid crowds now, but it wasn't as peaceful as I expected. The noise levels bothered me more this year than any other year, as I remember them. But now it's over, so back to writing this blog.
As with almost everything, all people will effect other people somewhere down the line. You have second hand smoke, people who do not smoke but still suffer from cancer due to others who do smoke around them. With PTSD, the close relationships, or what is left of them, of the spouse, the family, the friends, and even the workforce around the vet who suffers PTSD, can be effected. This is called "Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder", or STSD, and in some terminology it will be referred to as "Compassion Fatigue".
Because of all the symptoms experienced and exhibited by the vet, and the loss of trust shown, those close to the vet or involved with the vet's life in some way, may begin to exhibit symptoms similar to those of the vet. This is particularly true with the vet's children, or others who were not around during the time span that the trauma was experienced by the vet, and are not familar with the vet's past experiences first hand. Children of combat vets who have PTSD, have been known to display or exhibit impaired self-esteem, hyperactivity, poor reality testing, and aggressive behavior. Coping deficiencies or difficulty with guilt, fear, rage, and feelings of mistrust are also not uncommon. It's considered a form of "referred pain", passed on by the traumatized person.
The symptoms of STS may be so familar to those who are involved, because of close ties to the vet with PTSD, and yet feel so strange and unexpected. The family member, peer, health caregiver, anyone associated with the veteran diagnosed with PTS may need perspective and support as well. As with PTS, awareness that they may suffer from the symptoms of STS, is an important step. For some, recognition brings about understanding and reframing of one's world. For others, seeking treatment of some kind is not only recommended, but much needed after having supported the veteran with PTSD for some time. This can move the entire family unit to a greater health and wellbeing. Untreated STSD may lead to more extreme reactions and eventual development of more cronic symptoms and an actual PTS diagnosis as well.
Any and all of the "common characteristics" and symptoms associated with PTSD may be displayed by the person suffering from STS on some level. Anyone suffering from STSD must realize that there is support and treatment available for themselves, ask your private health provider for more information.
Remember this:
You deserve to heal just as the vet in your life has deserved your support and encouragement. Healing is a goal for one and all. The best outcome is a total healing of the family unit. This goal is reachable with time.
That just about covers the basics of PTSD and the combat vet. Next I'll start discussing the medications, side effects and experiences that I have personally been going through with the WPB VAMC and Lake Worth Vet Center.
As with almost everything, all people will effect other people somewhere down the line. You have second hand smoke, people who do not smoke but still suffer from cancer due to others who do smoke around them. With PTSD, the close relationships, or what is left of them, of the spouse, the family, the friends, and even the workforce around the vet who suffers PTSD, can be effected. This is called "Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder", or STSD, and in some terminology it will be referred to as "Compassion Fatigue".
Because of all the symptoms experienced and exhibited by the vet, and the loss of trust shown, those close to the vet or involved with the vet's life in some way, may begin to exhibit symptoms similar to those of the vet. This is particularly true with the vet's children, or others who were not around during the time span that the trauma was experienced by the vet, and are not familar with the vet's past experiences first hand. Children of combat vets who have PTSD, have been known to display or exhibit impaired self-esteem, hyperactivity, poor reality testing, and aggressive behavior. Coping deficiencies or difficulty with guilt, fear, rage, and feelings of mistrust are also not uncommon. It's considered a form of "referred pain", passed on by the traumatized person.
The symptoms of STS may be so familar to those who are involved, because of close ties to the vet with PTSD, and yet feel so strange and unexpected. The family member, peer, health caregiver, anyone associated with the veteran diagnosed with PTS may need perspective and support as well. As with PTS, awareness that they may suffer from the symptoms of STS, is an important step. For some, recognition brings about understanding and reframing of one's world. For others, seeking treatment of some kind is not only recommended, but much needed after having supported the veteran with PTSD for some time. This can move the entire family unit to a greater health and wellbeing. Untreated STSD may lead to more extreme reactions and eventual development of more cronic symptoms and an actual PTS diagnosis as well.
Any and all of the "common characteristics" and symptoms associated with PTSD may be displayed by the person suffering from STS on some level. Anyone suffering from STSD must realize that there is support and treatment available for themselves, ask your private health provider for more information.
Remember this:
You deserve to heal just as the vet in your life has deserved your support and encouragement. Healing is a goal for one and all. The best outcome is a total healing of the family unit. This goal is reachable with time.
That just about covers the basics of PTSD and the combat vet. Next I'll start discussing the medications, side effects and experiences that I have personally been going through with the WPB VAMC and Lake Worth Vet Center.
Friday, July 3, 2009
A VietNam Vet's dream
With the long 4th of July weekend upon us, sit back and celebrate, enjoy our freedoms.
Instead of writing over the weekend, I'll just post this one short poem by an unknown author.
A common reoccurring dream of many VN Vets.
Last night I finally fell asleep,
And then I was back on my mission,
I smelled the fear, I saw the light,
My dream became my vision.
It was a short, deadly dream,
I dreamt I saw a young man die,
I looked down upon his face,
And saw that man was I.
Instead of writing over the weekend, I'll just post this one short poem by an unknown author.
A common reoccurring dream of many VN Vets.
Last night I finally fell asleep,
And then I was back on my mission,
I smelled the fear, I saw the light,
My dream became my vision.
It was a short, deadly dream,
I dreamt I saw a young man die,
I looked down upon his face,
And saw that man was I.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Isolation and Sleep Disorder
These are two symptoms that can be signs of PTSD but commonly be seen as separate conditions all together in today's society. With today's stress levels at an all time high in most people, these are two conditions that have become more common place than before.
Isolation symptoms in PTSD are recognized as withdrawn behavior, avoidance and silence, demonstrated in many combat zone vets. Poor ability to relate to others and relationships may break down. The vet may be preoccupied with memories of their service experiences, lost friends and have difficulties with sharing these thoughts, anger, sadness, guilt or any of their feelings. The vet just wants to be left alone most of the time, and eventually shut themselves off completely from non-veterans because they perceive others as those who do not understand. They may even separate themselves from and avoid the very base of support they started to be part of and need. This avoidance is one of the key symptoms of PTSD and can be one of the most damaging to the mindset of the vet.
The consequences of withdrawn behavior can be that the vet's family and friends may suffer as well as the vet. People may start to avoid the sufferer, the vet, because they do not understand this behavior. Withdrawn behavior can easily be mistaken with hostility, brooding anger, or rudeness.
The process to recovery from isolation is first recognizing why and when you feel these symptoms. Psychotherapy may be beneficial to the healing process, but it takes time to regain that trusting feeling that you are not alone. You need to start with one or two of your closest family members or friends, and gradually escalate to a small group of fellow veterans and then more as you go. Isolation is one of the symptoms that may not be directly addressed but instead gets rolled into other symptoms and treatments.
Sleep disorders are a result of many other symptoms playing on the mind and body. When you are diagnosed with a sleep disorder, you either sleep too much, which is called hypersomnia, or you sleep too little, which is call insomnia. Disordered sleep can begin and gather steam secondary to the other PTS symptoms. A confirmed diagnosis of PTSD almost certainly means you will have sleep disorders of some sort. In most healthy adults, you benefit from 8 hours of sleep each night. Less or more sleep than that can result in the loss of energy, concentration, and motivation. This is why it almost always can be associated with PTS symptoms. It starts with yawning allot during the day, feeling weak and tired, feel the need to nap or cannot keep awake or go in the opposite direction and just feel wired all the time.
Sleep disorders have physical and emotional symptoms which may include racing thoughts, nightmares, rapid heart rate. night sweats, headache, nausea, or other symptoms of anxiety, as you struggle to sleep or not to sleep. Triggers to sleep disorders may include watching a violent movie or something as simple as a news footage of battle and combat. It can be the result of a troubling day which leads to laying awake with your thoughts screaming through you mind, not allowing you to calm down enough to get a restful sleep. It can also be other problems, physical or emotional, that effect your slepping habits.
Medications are very useful in this disorder. I am on two sleeping medications, with one being combined as a mood and sleep aid (quite a few of my medications combine as two or more aids to PTSD and medical problems). Before medication, I started to sleep less and less, starting with up to 3 hours sleep at a time, sommetimes once or twice a night. It eventually came down to where I was sleeping for 30 or so minutes, then stay awake for hours before getting another 30 or so minutes of sleep. All night I was lucky if I got more than a total of a hour and a half of sleep. Most anti-depression medications will help in sleep disorders. Now with medication, I can get at least 5 hours of solid sleep and maybe another hour after waking up and then falling back to sleep a night.
What many do not realize is the need and necessity for a good and sound sleep each night. Without this, sleep disorders will effect your motivation and moods, hypertension, anxiety and most other symptoms of PTSD. This is why sleep disorders is the symptom that effects all the other symptoms of PTSD.
All these symptoms listed today, and previously, will greatly effect the veteran's life. While most do not realize or recognize what the veteran is going though, they also do not recognize the effect on the spouse and friends, and the vet's relationships. Next time we will discuss those effects on others, outside of the veteran himself/herself. We will discuss what is called STSD or Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Isolation symptoms in PTSD are recognized as withdrawn behavior, avoidance and silence, demonstrated in many combat zone vets. Poor ability to relate to others and relationships may break down. The vet may be preoccupied with memories of their service experiences, lost friends and have difficulties with sharing these thoughts, anger, sadness, guilt or any of their feelings. The vet just wants to be left alone most of the time, and eventually shut themselves off completely from non-veterans because they perceive others as those who do not understand. They may even separate themselves from and avoid the very base of support they started to be part of and need. This avoidance is one of the key symptoms of PTSD and can be one of the most damaging to the mindset of the vet.
The consequences of withdrawn behavior can be that the vet's family and friends may suffer as well as the vet. People may start to avoid the sufferer, the vet, because they do not understand this behavior. Withdrawn behavior can easily be mistaken with hostility, brooding anger, or rudeness.
The process to recovery from isolation is first recognizing why and when you feel these symptoms. Psychotherapy may be beneficial to the healing process, but it takes time to regain that trusting feeling that you are not alone. You need to start with one or two of your closest family members or friends, and gradually escalate to a small group of fellow veterans and then more as you go. Isolation is one of the symptoms that may not be directly addressed but instead gets rolled into other symptoms and treatments.
Sleep disorders are a result of many other symptoms playing on the mind and body. When you are diagnosed with a sleep disorder, you either sleep too much, which is called hypersomnia, or you sleep too little, which is call insomnia. Disordered sleep can begin and gather steam secondary to the other PTS symptoms. A confirmed diagnosis of PTSD almost certainly means you will have sleep disorders of some sort. In most healthy adults, you benefit from 8 hours of sleep each night. Less or more sleep than that can result in the loss of energy, concentration, and motivation. This is why it almost always can be associated with PTS symptoms. It starts with yawning allot during the day, feeling weak and tired, feel the need to nap or cannot keep awake or go in the opposite direction and just feel wired all the time.
Sleep disorders have physical and emotional symptoms which may include racing thoughts, nightmares, rapid heart rate. night sweats, headache, nausea, or other symptoms of anxiety, as you struggle to sleep or not to sleep. Triggers to sleep disorders may include watching a violent movie or something as simple as a news footage of battle and combat. It can be the result of a troubling day which leads to laying awake with your thoughts screaming through you mind, not allowing you to calm down enough to get a restful sleep. It can also be other problems, physical or emotional, that effect your slepping habits.
Medications are very useful in this disorder. I am on two sleeping medications, with one being combined as a mood and sleep aid (quite a few of my medications combine as two or more aids to PTSD and medical problems). Before medication, I started to sleep less and less, starting with up to 3 hours sleep at a time, sommetimes once or twice a night. It eventually came down to where I was sleeping for 30 or so minutes, then stay awake for hours before getting another 30 or so minutes of sleep. All night I was lucky if I got more than a total of a hour and a half of sleep. Most anti-depression medications will help in sleep disorders. Now with medication, I can get at least 5 hours of solid sleep and maybe another hour after waking up and then falling back to sleep a night.
What many do not realize is the need and necessity for a good and sound sleep each night. Without this, sleep disorders will effect your motivation and moods, hypertension, anxiety and most other symptoms of PTSD. This is why sleep disorders is the symptom that effects all the other symptoms of PTSD.
All these symptoms listed today, and previously, will greatly effect the veteran's life. While most do not realize or recognize what the veteran is going though, they also do not recognize the effect on the spouse and friends, and the vet's relationships. Next time we will discuss those effects on others, outside of the veteran himself/herself. We will discuss what is called STSD or Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Suicidal Thoughts or Ideation
This is an issue that should concern most spouses and friends of the veteran.
When the veteran is experiencing a severe bout of depression and sadness, which can be most of the time if the symptom goes unchecked, the spouse or friend of the vet must pay close attention and listen to his/her words. This is when the vet could be thinking it's just not worth it. I know, since I have had this thought cross my mind at times.
There is nothing more important than getting the needed help if or when the crisis reaches this stage. This is when you must convince the vet to go to the ER room, go to a councilor, go to a professional and speak up on what's in their mind, before it's too late. Just about any issue that is or is conceived as traumatic to the vet can trigger suicidal thoughts. It doesn't matter if the vet has or does not have a planned action of suicide, just the thought of it can do as much harm. The ideation, or idea, of doing harm to himself/herself or even to others is very dangerous to mull over.
It can start, while experiencing depression, with a simple thought of "maybe it would be better if I just never wake up tomorrow, then it will be over". Maybe the vet is thinking of quick ways to ending the pain. Just because the vet doesn't believe he/she will follow through with these thoughts is not enough, the thought is just the prelude to the action. Something is wrong for anyone, a vet or a person, to be having these thoughts. The problem is if there is no one to talk to, no one to listen, how will the vet/person be convinced he/she needs help now?
This is the symptom that requires the most immediate actions be taken. At the VA Hospital, we have the crisis unit for these types of emergencies. You can walk in anytime during the day, no appointment necessary. Of course more direct steps are taken once you do walk in, but they are for your own good and safety of yourself and others. No, they do not lock you up and throw away the key. You are restricted to the waiting room inside the unit itself until you speak to whomever you need to speak to, a PA, a social worker, a psychiatrist, but someone is there to listen and act.
If suicidal indeation is secondary to a traumatic experience, correct diagnosis is critical so that intervention and support can be provided. Medication, or the adjustment of the medication dosage can be very helpful, and may be all that is needed for treating the mood, which most of the time precipitates the suicidal thought. At times, brief hospitalization may be needed and may be the safest choice.
Remember, suicidal thoughts/ideation can follow a traumatic event (a death, an accident, a fire, a mugging, hurricanes, tornado, anything that is conceived or real that is life threatening to the vet), an anniversary of a traumatic event, after a time of loss, when you are experiencing chronic pain (pain over a long period of time) or during other times of severe stress, so do not think just of what is happening right now to make a judgement call for help.
Suicidal behavior is when an individual acts upon suicidal ideation. The level of the attempt may be very dangerous to the vet, lethal, or a cry for help. Unfortunately, most of the time, this cry for help goes unnoticed.
Not only should the vet pay attention to his/her thoughts and actions, but the spouse or friends of the vet must be able to spot this as well. If you know that your vet has been having a really bad time of things lately, you need a plan of action to follow. This safety plan could be as simple as having a list of phone numbers to call for help. Clinical professionals can help you formulate this safety plan. It is not restricted to the vet itself, they will listen and help you as well. Remember, whatever the vet is going through will effect you as well. He/she is not the only one that needs to be aware of suicidal ideation. The stress caused by your vet onto yourself could be just as dangerous to you as to himself/herself.The fear, stress, anxiety and panic that is associated with suicidal ideation is just as dangerous as the thought itself, to all concerned.
Write this phone number down, for the sake of your vet, and for your own use if needed:
Call the Suicide help line, even if it is just to talk to someone about your concerns. It is
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Keep it handy and use it if needed, never think it is a waste of someone's time. It's not like 911, if your wrong they do not care and will let you know. If your right, you may just save a life. Let them make the decision that matters.
And if you can't remember the number, or if there is no time to call and speak with someone, just call 911 itself.
If you do not get anything out of this blog other than this, please, please, remember these two important numbers.............
1-800-273-TALK(8255) or 911
When the veteran is experiencing a severe bout of depression and sadness, which can be most of the time if the symptom goes unchecked, the spouse or friend of the vet must pay close attention and listen to his/her words. This is when the vet could be thinking it's just not worth it. I know, since I have had this thought cross my mind at times.
There is nothing more important than getting the needed help if or when the crisis reaches this stage. This is when you must convince the vet to go to the ER room, go to a councilor, go to a professional and speak up on what's in their mind, before it's too late. Just about any issue that is or is conceived as traumatic to the vet can trigger suicidal thoughts. It doesn't matter if the vet has or does not have a planned action of suicide, just the thought of it can do as much harm. The ideation, or idea, of doing harm to himself/herself or even to others is very dangerous to mull over.
It can start, while experiencing depression, with a simple thought of "maybe it would be better if I just never wake up tomorrow, then it will be over". Maybe the vet is thinking of quick ways to ending the pain. Just because the vet doesn't believe he/she will follow through with these thoughts is not enough, the thought is just the prelude to the action. Something is wrong for anyone, a vet or a person, to be having these thoughts. The problem is if there is no one to talk to, no one to listen, how will the vet/person be convinced he/she needs help now?
This is the symptom that requires the most immediate actions be taken. At the VA Hospital, we have the crisis unit for these types of emergencies. You can walk in anytime during the day, no appointment necessary. Of course more direct steps are taken once you do walk in, but they are for your own good and safety of yourself and others. No, they do not lock you up and throw away the key. You are restricted to the waiting room inside the unit itself until you speak to whomever you need to speak to, a PA, a social worker, a psychiatrist, but someone is there to listen and act.
If suicidal indeation is secondary to a traumatic experience, correct diagnosis is critical so that intervention and support can be provided. Medication, or the adjustment of the medication dosage can be very helpful, and may be all that is needed for treating the mood, which most of the time precipitates the suicidal thought. At times, brief hospitalization may be needed and may be the safest choice.
Remember, suicidal thoughts/ideation can follow a traumatic event (a death, an accident, a fire, a mugging, hurricanes, tornado, anything that is conceived or real that is life threatening to the vet), an anniversary of a traumatic event, after a time of loss, when you are experiencing chronic pain (pain over a long period of time) or during other times of severe stress, so do not think just of what is happening right now to make a judgement call for help.
Suicidal behavior is when an individual acts upon suicidal ideation. The level of the attempt may be very dangerous to the vet, lethal, or a cry for help. Unfortunately, most of the time, this cry for help goes unnoticed.
Not only should the vet pay attention to his/her thoughts and actions, but the spouse or friends of the vet must be able to spot this as well. If you know that your vet has been having a really bad time of things lately, you need a plan of action to follow. This safety plan could be as simple as having a list of phone numbers to call for help. Clinical professionals can help you formulate this safety plan. It is not restricted to the vet itself, they will listen and help you as well. Remember, whatever the vet is going through will effect you as well. He/she is not the only one that needs to be aware of suicidal ideation. The stress caused by your vet onto yourself could be just as dangerous to you as to himself/herself.The fear, stress, anxiety and panic that is associated with suicidal ideation is just as dangerous as the thought itself, to all concerned.
Write this phone number down, for the sake of your vet, and for your own use if needed:
Call the Suicide help line, even if it is just to talk to someone about your concerns. It is
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Keep it handy and use it if needed, never think it is a waste of someone's time. It's not like 911, if your wrong they do not care and will let you know. If your right, you may just save a life. Let them make the decision that matters.
And if you can't remember the number, or if there is no time to call and speak with someone, just call 911 itself.
If you do not get anything out of this blog other than this, please, please, remember these two important numbers.............
1-800-273-TALK(8255) or 911
Friday, June 19, 2009
Crisis
A crisis is an internal or external response that may occur after a stressful event or a perceived event that has, is or may be happening to the veteran or person. Living through a period of time in combat zones, a sudden or gradual death of a close friend or relative, living outside of your realm such as a duty station or overseas, being homeless, being sick, among many other issues of everyday life, can cause a crisis in some sort of moderation and strength on a daily basis. Just thinking of these or other stressful situations can also make it so you perceive something as being stressful and cause a crisis. Some crisis responses are more difficult than others to overcome. Your individual responses may be unique to your situation, while others handle it in a different way. Your training and/or your lack of, will certainly determine your response.
What may be to some as a small crisis, can, and usually does, effect the veteran suffering from PTSD as a much larger problem. Comparing it to combat or perceived survival situations may be a major crisis, but losing control of an everyday occurrence can be just as stressful and become a major crisis as time goes by. A good example of this can be, in the past, commanding a squad or even a company of men in combat, but now in the present, you have difficulty dealing with the stress of picking up your grandchild on time. With me, it has become a compulsive disorder when dealing with on time arrivals. I will be an hour early rather than a minute late. Also I stress out when things do not go as I think they should, out of order, or "not by the book" as they say, and it becomes a crisis for me. But Compulsive Disorder is another topic for another time in this PTSD blog writing.
When a veteran, or a person, has symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress, their threshold for crisis is much lower than normal. You need, and at times rely on, support and communication between yourself and others who know and understand what you are dealing with. Others may just see you as an out of control "freak". To them, you are beyond understanding, and no matter what happens, they look at you as an outsider, someone to avoid.
Once again, as listed with so many other symptoms of PTS, you need to identify, avoid or control the triggers of anxiety which cause the crisis to escalate. You will hear this time and time again, avoid and/or control the triggers. This is a key step in getting your life back under control with PTSD, no matter which symptom you are experiencing at that exact moment of crisis.
You will learn to talk about how you respond to anxiety/stress/crisis, thus coming up with a safety plan to use in your everyday life. Breathing exercises may help, saying a mantra or phrase to calm yourself may work as well. Each veteran or person must find what works for them in their individual cases. For me, the only thing that seems to work, so far, is avoidance of the issue, which is not very constructive. Once I am agitated or at the point of unrest, telling me to concentrate on my breathing is like telling a cold person to get warm, it sounds good, but if it was possible would that person really be cold to start with? I am past the time that a breathing exercise will work to calm me down. But they tell me over time it will eventually come about that I will be able to do this. I doubt it from what I see myself going through right now, but anything is possible. That is what I keep telling myself, anything is possible. But when a councilor or doctor tells me to breath deep and slowly, I rather be taking off their head, shutting their mouth. Now that doesn't sound so relaxing to me. Another "plan" is to have someone to call on the phone. What am I in A/A? I am going to call someone and say what? I am losing control of a situation but I have enough control to place a call to you? Don't think so.
BUT I MUST STRESS, IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING A CRISIS AND LOSING CONTROL, AND YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT HURTING YOURSELF OR OTHERS, YOU MUST, MUST, MUST, RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE IN CRISIS, AND MUST CALL OUT FOR HELP. For the Vet, the VA Hospital has just that support center to call out to, and they justly named it "the crisis center". It is part of the mental health department but acts more like a daytime ER room or department for crisis situations. And if you are not sure where to call, or at night when everything is closed, everyone can dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255)or just go to an emergency room.
I know I am just writing about what is available and what steps they are telling me I must take in order to facilitate the medical and emotional treatment I need for my recovery from PTSD, but allot of it sounds like hogwash to me. I guess I am still trying to get past the denial stage, but some of what they tell you to try seems useless to me. After covering all the major symptoms of PTSD, then I will write more on my individual efforts and outcomes of the treatment. So for now, enjoy the day, stay calm and listen to your fellow vets and councilors.
Tomorrow may be a little better than today and may just be a lot better than yesterday.
If your spouse or friend needs help, don't let them go about it alone, be there for them to talk to, or find someone who can listen and understand. And never forget yourself, after all you are going through almost as much as the veteran. Being the spouse or close friend can be stressful, thus, over time, you may need some help or support as well.
What may be to some as a small crisis, can, and usually does, effect the veteran suffering from PTSD as a much larger problem. Comparing it to combat or perceived survival situations may be a major crisis, but losing control of an everyday occurrence can be just as stressful and become a major crisis as time goes by. A good example of this can be, in the past, commanding a squad or even a company of men in combat, but now in the present, you have difficulty dealing with the stress of picking up your grandchild on time. With me, it has become a compulsive disorder when dealing with on time arrivals. I will be an hour early rather than a minute late. Also I stress out when things do not go as I think they should, out of order, or "not by the book" as they say, and it becomes a crisis for me. But Compulsive Disorder is another topic for another time in this PTSD blog writing.
When a veteran, or a person, has symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress, their threshold for crisis is much lower than normal. You need, and at times rely on, support and communication between yourself and others who know and understand what you are dealing with. Others may just see you as an out of control "freak". To them, you are beyond understanding, and no matter what happens, they look at you as an outsider, someone to avoid.
Once again, as listed with so many other symptoms of PTS, you need to identify, avoid or control the triggers of anxiety which cause the crisis to escalate. You will hear this time and time again, avoid and/or control the triggers. This is a key step in getting your life back under control with PTSD, no matter which symptom you are experiencing at that exact moment of crisis.
You will learn to talk about how you respond to anxiety/stress/crisis, thus coming up with a safety plan to use in your everyday life. Breathing exercises may help, saying a mantra or phrase to calm yourself may work as well. Each veteran or person must find what works for them in their individual cases. For me, the only thing that seems to work, so far, is avoidance of the issue, which is not very constructive. Once I am agitated or at the point of unrest, telling me to concentrate on my breathing is like telling a cold person to get warm, it sounds good, but if it was possible would that person really be cold to start with? I am past the time that a breathing exercise will work to calm me down. But they tell me over time it will eventually come about that I will be able to do this. I doubt it from what I see myself going through right now, but anything is possible. That is what I keep telling myself, anything is possible. But when a councilor or doctor tells me to breath deep and slowly, I rather be taking off their head, shutting their mouth. Now that doesn't sound so relaxing to me. Another "plan" is to have someone to call on the phone. What am I in A/A? I am going to call someone and say what? I am losing control of a situation but I have enough control to place a call to you? Don't think so.
BUT I MUST STRESS, IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING A CRISIS AND LOSING CONTROL, AND YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT HURTING YOURSELF OR OTHERS, YOU MUST, MUST, MUST, RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE IN CRISIS, AND MUST CALL OUT FOR HELP. For the Vet, the VA Hospital has just that support center to call out to, and they justly named it "the crisis center". It is part of the mental health department but acts more like a daytime ER room or department for crisis situations. And if you are not sure where to call, or at night when everything is closed, everyone can dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255)or just go to an emergency room.
I know I am just writing about what is available and what steps they are telling me I must take in order to facilitate the medical and emotional treatment I need for my recovery from PTSD, but allot of it sounds like hogwash to me. I guess I am still trying to get past the denial stage, but some of what they tell you to try seems useless to me. After covering all the major symptoms of PTSD, then I will write more on my individual efforts and outcomes of the treatment. So for now, enjoy the day, stay calm and listen to your fellow vets and councilors.
Tomorrow may be a little better than today and may just be a lot better than yesterday.
If your spouse or friend needs help, don't let them go about it alone, be there for them to talk to, or find someone who can listen and understand. And never forget yourself, after all you are going through almost as much as the veteran. Being the spouse or close friend can be stressful, thus, over time, you may need some help or support as well.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Stormy days do not help
I really do not like days like today, when it becomes dark and stormy. I have no choice other than being out in the mess, but my mind hates every minute of it. I'll explain why in a moment, but first I want to address the "question of the day", since many are asking me in E-mails and in person.
Because I have decided to step back from everything, both political and public, I will NOT be cooking at Old Bridge Park this year on the 4th, like I have for several years in the past. The reasons are simple, and has nothing to do with who is right and who is wrong.
First I do not want confrontation, this is not the time in my life that confrontations can sit well with me. It does not matter if the confrontation is over political minded people, or just someone who is impatient waiting for their burger to be ready, I don't need it.
Second, if it is not happening on my block, I don't care to be part of it. I have my own problems to deal with, don't need anyone else's to add to them. Maybe this will change in time for the November elections, who knows, and I don't really care right now.
Some of the meds I am on does not allow me to stand in the sun for hours on end. I get dizzy enough from the meds themselves, so getting light headed from being exposed to heat and the sun is not the high I like.
So for those who can not figure it out for themselves after reading the intro I wrote when I changed this blog, NO, I WILL NOT BE THERE GRILLING ON THE 4th OF JULY. I left a message for the MacNamaras on this, so they do know not to count on my support.
Now, with that out of the way, let me get on with the real purpose of the blog, PTSD and it's effect on veterans.
Stormy days suck. If you were in country, you know what monsoon season is like. Days like today, with the dark skies and the downpours, reminds me of that season. Thunder and lightning reminds me of explaosions. When the lights go off, even for a few seconds, I feel trapped and nervous. I react to the sound of heavy rain, the sound of thunder, the crack of a lightning hit, and don't like it. It is strange though, given the fact that I have spent every hurricane since Francis in 04 running a Red Cross shelter. When Katrina hit New Orleans, I stayed busy every single day, either running the Palm Meadows shelter for those who came over from The Big Easy, and inbetween doing family services both in the field and at the park in WPB. It was everday from the day before labor day till sometime in January that year. I was also a team leader for the local Disaster Assistance Team, the group that handle home fires for the rewsidents (hotels, food and clothing needs). It was a busy few years there, and at the time I thought nothing of it. The doctors say the pressure of those times, being in hurricanes and it's aftermath, especially in the capacity I was in, has added to my trauma but I never looked at it that way. Staying busy all the time, volunteering, kept my mind off the bad things that were happening in my mind. Now it is not so, resulting in my mind racing when it storms like it is now.
I have a busy week with appointments, so this blog gets put on the end of my list of "to do's", so for now I just came on to set the record straight for the 4th. You will not see me at the fireworks either, way to much noise for me.
For the moment, let me leave you with a poem that is in my collection, written by Ken Sylvia, a Combat Medic veteran.....
Morning Light
In the morning light
A darkness like night
Spreads and fills the air
A storm passing by
Teardrops fill his eye
He looks but no one is there
Ghosts from the past
Their faces all masked
Drifting, and chilling the air
He looks in their eyes
They flutter, then fly
There's no body there
Years pass by
And the stars all cry
For the man who's filled with despair
He looks through the glass
At his broken past
And finds, there's nobody there
They've all gone ahead
All living instead
In a dream realm, from some other time
So the ghosts from the past
Relinquish their task
And wish him an easy mind.......
I'll try and get the time to continue my posting on PTSD, but this week may be a bit sporatic, so stay tuned.
Because I have decided to step back from everything, both political and public, I will NOT be cooking at Old Bridge Park this year on the 4th, like I have for several years in the past. The reasons are simple, and has nothing to do with who is right and who is wrong.
First I do not want confrontation, this is not the time in my life that confrontations can sit well with me. It does not matter if the confrontation is over political minded people, or just someone who is impatient waiting for their burger to be ready, I don't need it.
Second, if it is not happening on my block, I don't care to be part of it. I have my own problems to deal with, don't need anyone else's to add to them. Maybe this will change in time for the November elections, who knows, and I don't really care right now.
Some of the meds I am on does not allow me to stand in the sun for hours on end. I get dizzy enough from the meds themselves, so getting light headed from being exposed to heat and the sun is not the high I like.
So for those who can not figure it out for themselves after reading the intro I wrote when I changed this blog, NO, I WILL NOT BE THERE GRILLING ON THE 4th OF JULY. I left a message for the MacNamaras on this, so they do know not to count on my support.
Now, with that out of the way, let me get on with the real purpose of the blog, PTSD and it's effect on veterans.
Stormy days suck. If you were in country, you know what monsoon season is like. Days like today, with the dark skies and the downpours, reminds me of that season. Thunder and lightning reminds me of explaosions. When the lights go off, even for a few seconds, I feel trapped and nervous. I react to the sound of heavy rain, the sound of thunder, the crack of a lightning hit, and don't like it. It is strange though, given the fact that I have spent every hurricane since Francis in 04 running a Red Cross shelter. When Katrina hit New Orleans, I stayed busy every single day, either running the Palm Meadows shelter for those who came over from The Big Easy, and inbetween doing family services both in the field and at the park in WPB. It was everday from the day before labor day till sometime in January that year. I was also a team leader for the local Disaster Assistance Team, the group that handle home fires for the rewsidents (hotels, food and clothing needs). It was a busy few years there, and at the time I thought nothing of it. The doctors say the pressure of those times, being in hurricanes and it's aftermath, especially in the capacity I was in, has added to my trauma but I never looked at it that way. Staying busy all the time, volunteering, kept my mind off the bad things that were happening in my mind. Now it is not so, resulting in my mind racing when it storms like it is now.
I have a busy week with appointments, so this blog gets put on the end of my list of "to do's", so for now I just came on to set the record straight for the 4th. You will not see me at the fireworks either, way to much noise for me.
For the moment, let me leave you with a poem that is in my collection, written by Ken Sylvia, a Combat Medic veteran.....
Morning Light
In the morning light
A darkness like night
Spreads and fills the air
A storm passing by
Teardrops fill his eye
He looks but no one is there
Ghosts from the past
Their faces all masked
Drifting, and chilling the air
He looks in their eyes
They flutter, then fly
There's no body there
Years pass by
And the stars all cry
For the man who's filled with despair
He looks through the glass
At his broken past
And finds, there's nobody there
They've all gone ahead
All living instead
In a dream realm, from some other time
So the ghosts from the past
Relinquish their task
And wish him an easy mind.......
I'll try and get the time to continue my posting on PTSD, but this week may be a bit sporatic, so stay tuned.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Panic and Anxiety Attacks
I have a trifold in my diagnosis, PTSD, Anxiety and Depression. Both Anxiety and Depression can be treated with medications that are similar, antidepressants. That is a weird name to me, since depression is when you are down, and they treat it with medications that also make you feel down (commonly called downers). I would think antidepressants would be more of a upper, to get you going, not slow you down. Oh well, I am not the scholar nor the doctor, so I take it as is.
Anxiety is one of the symptoms of PTSD, but Panic is not. That can be just as confusing as the antidepressant word. Because Panic attacks and Anxiety attacks are commonly interchanged in today's culture, most think it is the same. But that is not true, it is different and the treatment is different for both.
Panic attacks come on suddenly and without warning. Anxiety attacks build up and there are triggers that can be avoided to keep anxiety in check. Let's try to discuss the differences.
Panic attack is a reaction to what is happening right now. It can be something that concerns your mind or your body. You can think you are dizzy, shaky, feel like you are about to vomit, feel like you are about to pass out, feel like you can't breath etc. Or you can think you are losing control, going crazy. It usually comes on within 10 minutes of starting to worry or stressing out and lasts from a few minutes to maybe a few hours, no longer. So it is from something that is effecting you now, not in the past or future.
Anxiety attack is a reaction to worrying about something in your life, relationship or work. It is something that you think will happen so you stress about that possibility. It is not happening right now, but you worry so much that it is about to happen. It does not come on suddenly, since you are thinking about it happening in the future. Anxious is your heart racing, you are sweating, you are dizzy, you are having trouble breathing, you may take a heart attack or stroke because of anxiety. So it is real symptoms, not thoughts of symptoms happening. like in panic attacks. It builds over time with stress, once it starts it can last for a few minutes or it can last for days and weeks.
Panic attacks can bring on Anxiety attacks, but the reverse is not that probable. And the means that both are treated are as different as the symptoms. You can treat both with behavioral therapy and/or with medications. The dosage is stronger for anxiety than with panic. A lower dosage of antidepressants are used for panic so as not to effect the body in a way that triggers panic attacks (remember, panic is a result of something happening to your body or mind now). A higher antidepressant dosage is used for anxiety because you want the mind and body to slow itself down, or relax more.
It is confusing since they are so much alike, but I suffer from anxiety because I worry about what can happen, but I do not have panic attacks because it is not happening yet. Anxiety is more over time or takes more time while panic is now and then it's over with.
I have antidepressants for both my mood and for sleeping. It all gets tangled in the web of PTSD, so it can be a blur at times.
Anyone can take a panic attack, but you need a reason to experience an anxiety attack.
It will all become clearer as we go into more symptoms of the PTSD, but for now just remember anxiety is part/symptom of PTSD and panic is not.
It's a weekend again, so time to relax. I might post another letter or poem over the weekend, but no discussions on PTSD. So sit back and relax, enjoy it while you can.
Anxiety is one of the symptoms of PTSD, but Panic is not. That can be just as confusing as the antidepressant word. Because Panic attacks and Anxiety attacks are commonly interchanged in today's culture, most think it is the same. But that is not true, it is different and the treatment is different for both.
Panic attacks come on suddenly and without warning. Anxiety attacks build up and there are triggers that can be avoided to keep anxiety in check. Let's try to discuss the differences.
Panic attack is a reaction to what is happening right now. It can be something that concerns your mind or your body. You can think you are dizzy, shaky, feel like you are about to vomit, feel like you are about to pass out, feel like you can't breath etc. Or you can think you are losing control, going crazy. It usually comes on within 10 minutes of starting to worry or stressing out and lasts from a few minutes to maybe a few hours, no longer. So it is from something that is effecting you now, not in the past or future.
Anxiety attack is a reaction to worrying about something in your life, relationship or work. It is something that you think will happen so you stress about that possibility. It is not happening right now, but you worry so much that it is about to happen. It does not come on suddenly, since you are thinking about it happening in the future. Anxious is your heart racing, you are sweating, you are dizzy, you are having trouble breathing, you may take a heart attack or stroke because of anxiety. So it is real symptoms, not thoughts of symptoms happening. like in panic attacks. It builds over time with stress, once it starts it can last for a few minutes or it can last for days and weeks.
Panic attacks can bring on Anxiety attacks, but the reverse is not that probable. And the means that both are treated are as different as the symptoms. You can treat both with behavioral therapy and/or with medications. The dosage is stronger for anxiety than with panic. A lower dosage of antidepressants are used for panic so as not to effect the body in a way that triggers panic attacks (remember, panic is a result of something happening to your body or mind now). A higher antidepressant dosage is used for anxiety because you want the mind and body to slow itself down, or relax more.
It is confusing since they are so much alike, but I suffer from anxiety because I worry about what can happen, but I do not have panic attacks because it is not happening yet. Anxiety is more over time or takes more time while panic is now and then it's over with.
I have antidepressants for both my mood and for sleeping. It all gets tangled in the web of PTSD, so it can be a blur at times.
Anyone can take a panic attack, but you need a reason to experience an anxiety attack.
It will all become clearer as we go into more symptoms of the PTSD, but for now just remember anxiety is part/symptom of PTSD and panic is not.
It's a weekend again, so time to relax. I might post another letter or poem over the weekend, but no discussions on PTSD. So sit back and relax, enjoy it while you can.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Passive-Agressive Behavior
Weekends over, then came Monday, and the appointments are still coming faster than I can find time to post. Before I have to leave for the VA hosp and then the VET Center today, I hope I can finish at least this post.
The veteran with PTSD will use an indirect means of communication of his/her anger and hostility through what is called Passive-Aggressive behavior. It will send mixed messages to those who are paying attention, and can create a real strain in relationships. It may make some fear the veteran or it may make others think he/she is fickle. At times the veteran will be very strong willed and forceful in his words or actions yet at other times he/she will seem calm and collective, almost meek. Some look at it as being on a fence, leaning both ways at once.
Passive-aggressive behavior uncontrolled can and almost always cause emotional problems such as depression, anxiety or anger-management issues. This behavior can also cause great conflict within the family or with peers/friends of the veteran. This usually leads to frustration in the veteran, which will lead to emotional or physical violence if left unchecked. It separates the veteran from others, if it hasn't already.
Some passive-aggressive comments or actions will be seen as mildly sarcastic. Other comments or actions can be seen as calm and cooperative, while other comments and actions can be seen as filled with anger, rage and hostility. And all of these can be seen during one single visit or meeting with the veteran.
It is essential for the veteran to seek the help needed to identify this symptom, to discover the cause and the triggers to this behavior and seek to change the way the veteran communicates his/her feelings. Only then will the veteran be able to move forward and continue his/her road to recovery.He/she needs to learn how to be assertive yet at the same time be positive and polite in his/her mannerism. The veteran must learn when to walk away from a situation that he/she will lose control of before it reaches the breaking point. When the veteran feels threatened, he/she must learn to react in the appropriate, mature response.
I think this is one of the symptoms that I displayed the most in public and created the most damage to my relationships with others. One minute I was on their side, standing behind them in agreement, yet a short time later I would be attacking that same person. I heard many a time that I needed to take my meds, even though at the time I thought nothing at all was wrong with me (denial). At that time I was not on any meds yet. I took it as just something that went along with arguments, not as causing the argument personally. For those of you who know what I am speaking about, I apologize for my behavior. I am not making any excuses for my behavior because I brought it on myself, but I did not know what I was actually doing. I know trust and forgiveness will not be forthcoming, and may never be accepted by some, but that is the price I pay for acting out in this way.
I know this is one of many of the PTSD symptoms that can be a disorder that is experienced by others separately from PTSD. Anxiety and depression is two others that can be confused as PTSD but yet be diagnoses as separate disorders. It is a confusing and frustrating disorder to have, but one that is not as uncommon these days as once was. Help is available, but time is the main enemy. Some veterans will never recuperate, or learn to live with it, while others will overcome this over years of therapy and counseling.
Some disorders are even confused as each other, such as anxiety attacks and panic attacks. There is a big difference between these, but to the everyday lay person, they seem to be the same. I'll try to explain this later on in another post. I hope I am creating awareness of this disorder so others do not have to wait 40 years for it to come to a head and seek the available help. Too many times recently you read about the killings and harm that a fellow vet has caused because this disorder went unchecked. Everyone must be made aware of the symptoms and get youyr loved ones and friends to a center that can help them. Time is an enemy with this disorder, since the damage is usually done before the problem is realised.
There is still allot more to cover, but time has run out for now, appointment time takes over for the rest of the day. I'll be back tomorrow or Thursday with more.
The veteran with PTSD will use an indirect means of communication of his/her anger and hostility through what is called Passive-Aggressive behavior. It will send mixed messages to those who are paying attention, and can create a real strain in relationships. It may make some fear the veteran or it may make others think he/she is fickle. At times the veteran will be very strong willed and forceful in his words or actions yet at other times he/she will seem calm and collective, almost meek. Some look at it as being on a fence, leaning both ways at once.
Passive-aggressive behavior uncontrolled can and almost always cause emotional problems such as depression, anxiety or anger-management issues. This behavior can also cause great conflict within the family or with peers/friends of the veteran. This usually leads to frustration in the veteran, which will lead to emotional or physical violence if left unchecked. It separates the veteran from others, if it hasn't already.
Some passive-aggressive comments or actions will be seen as mildly sarcastic. Other comments or actions can be seen as calm and cooperative, while other comments and actions can be seen as filled with anger, rage and hostility. And all of these can be seen during one single visit or meeting with the veteran.
It is essential for the veteran to seek the help needed to identify this symptom, to discover the cause and the triggers to this behavior and seek to change the way the veteran communicates his/her feelings. Only then will the veteran be able to move forward and continue his/her road to recovery.He/she needs to learn how to be assertive yet at the same time be positive and polite in his/her mannerism. The veteran must learn when to walk away from a situation that he/she will lose control of before it reaches the breaking point. When the veteran feels threatened, he/she must learn to react in the appropriate, mature response.
I think this is one of the symptoms that I displayed the most in public and created the most damage to my relationships with others. One minute I was on their side, standing behind them in agreement, yet a short time later I would be attacking that same person. I heard many a time that I needed to take my meds, even though at the time I thought nothing at all was wrong with me (denial). At that time I was not on any meds yet. I took it as just something that went along with arguments, not as causing the argument personally. For those of you who know what I am speaking about, I apologize for my behavior. I am not making any excuses for my behavior because I brought it on myself, but I did not know what I was actually doing. I know trust and forgiveness will not be forthcoming, and may never be accepted by some, but that is the price I pay for acting out in this way.
I know this is one of many of the PTSD symptoms that can be a disorder that is experienced by others separately from PTSD. Anxiety and depression is two others that can be confused as PTSD but yet be diagnoses as separate disorders. It is a confusing and frustrating disorder to have, but one that is not as uncommon these days as once was. Help is available, but time is the main enemy. Some veterans will never recuperate, or learn to live with it, while others will overcome this over years of therapy and counseling.
Some disorders are even confused as each other, such as anxiety attacks and panic attacks. There is a big difference between these, but to the everyday lay person, they seem to be the same. I'll try to explain this later on in another post. I hope I am creating awareness of this disorder so others do not have to wait 40 years for it to come to a head and seek the available help. Too many times recently you read about the killings and harm that a fellow vet has caused because this disorder went unchecked. Everyone must be made aware of the symptoms and get youyr loved ones and friends to a center that can help them. Time is an enemy with this disorder, since the damage is usually done before the problem is realised.
There is still allot more to cover, but time has run out for now, appointment time takes over for the rest of the day. I'll be back tomorrow or Thursday with more.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
It's the weekend, just want to post this
I am trying to relax for the weekend, so I do not want to post about what is going on in my life. Instead I just want to post something that I have a copy of, something from a fellow vet's wife on the subject. I did not go through anywhere near as much as he did, I did not fight in the jungles of Vietnam on a daily basis, only accasionally during my tour. 3 tours is too much for anyone to handle back then. The memories of that much trauma is too much for anybody to keep in their minds and hearts.
"TO MY VIETNAM VET- YOU, ME AND PTSD..."
Written by Sharon L. Lugdon, wife of a V/N Vet
"I heard the words PTSD-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Immediately my mind went into overdrive. It sounded like some of what my vet had been experiencing. My vet's mood could change very quickly. I never realized there was anything wrong with him. I would say to him, "you act just like your father."
For years I felt him toss and turn in bed beside me. He'd moan and groan, sometimes crying out- nightmares. Rarely did we talk about Nam, but, when we did, I captured every word, storing them away. There was always negativity about the way he was treated when he returned to the good ol' USA.
I believe to this day he did not want to burden our children or me with the terrible things he saw. I suppose if you could think of the very worst thing that could happen in Vietnam- it probably happened to my vet.
Three years, three purple hearts, living day to day, meal to meal... Was there any food to eat? Were they going to get supplies, ammunition, before they ran out? Not being able to wash for weeks. Being so damn scared that Charlie might be right around the corner, waiting to kill you. Don't close your eyes- you might not wake up. Running, always running from foxhole to another. A tree, mound of dirt, anything you could hide behind and catch your breath then run again. My God, how horrible to exist like that. I don't know how governmental officials slept at night.
I am so proud of my vet for enduring such ungodly days and nights defending our country. I proudly stand facing our nation telling everyone how proud I am that my husband fought in such a place. On his first tour he was only 20 years old, amazing isn't it? I pray for peace for him- a nights sleep without seeing the faces and bodies of friends wounded, slaughtered.
Days go by, a new day starts. The look in his eyes, at times, brings tears to my eyes. We, spouses of vets, can only imagine if they will ever have a really good day.
I will be there for my vet for the long haul. We will work on this thing called PTSD for the rest of our lives."
"TO MY VIETNAM VET- YOU, ME AND PTSD..."
Written by Sharon L. Lugdon, wife of a V/N Vet
"I heard the words PTSD-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Immediately my mind went into overdrive. It sounded like some of what my vet had been experiencing. My vet's mood could change very quickly. I never realized there was anything wrong with him. I would say to him, "you act just like your father."
For years I felt him toss and turn in bed beside me. He'd moan and groan, sometimes crying out- nightmares. Rarely did we talk about Nam, but, when we did, I captured every word, storing them away. There was always negativity about the way he was treated when he returned to the good ol' USA.
I believe to this day he did not want to burden our children or me with the terrible things he saw. I suppose if you could think of the very worst thing that could happen in Vietnam- it probably happened to my vet.
Three years, three purple hearts, living day to day, meal to meal... Was there any food to eat? Were they going to get supplies, ammunition, before they ran out? Not being able to wash for weeks. Being so damn scared that Charlie might be right around the corner, waiting to kill you. Don't close your eyes- you might not wake up. Running, always running from foxhole to another. A tree, mound of dirt, anything you could hide behind and catch your breath then run again. My God, how horrible to exist like that. I don't know how governmental officials slept at night.
I am so proud of my vet for enduring such ungodly days and nights defending our country. I proudly stand facing our nation telling everyone how proud I am that my husband fought in such a place. On his first tour he was only 20 years old, amazing isn't it? I pray for peace for him- a nights sleep without seeing the faces and bodies of friends wounded, slaughtered.
Days go by, a new day starts. The look in his eyes, at times, brings tears to my eyes. We, spouses of vets, can only imagine if they will ever have a really good day.
I will be there for my vet for the long haul. We will work on this thing called PTSD for the rest of our lives."
Friday, June 5, 2009
Paranoia and Hypervigilance
One of the main traits of PTSD is paranoia and hypervigilance.
Paranoia is a haunting feeling of mistrust. Paranoia is also used diagnostically.
With me, this was a big problem. I remember a time that a past friend was just trying to help me and loan me his truck. Because of a simple statement made by a person who disliked him, I started to think this was not an offer of help, but instead a setup. Instead of taking the action of accepting a hand held out in help, I took it as a plan to come after me. That was just one of the many missed signs of what I was going through. That was just my paranoia. And from there you look to be around people who fuel that paranoia, not as a crutch, but as a way of avoiding the real fact that you are wrong. Instead of listening to reason, you try and find justification. So you look for people who are complete opposite of who you once was.
Paranoia can interfere with every aspect of your life as you fear intimacy and trust, as you instead turn to isolation, which I will discuss at another post time. The veteran may move away from being close to family, friends and all supports in an effort to feel safe because of all those suspicions and paranoid feelings. But in reality, being withdrawn and lonely from distancing yourself from others can increase the feelings of paranoia. The anxiety, depression and other symptoms of experiencing a traumatic event needs this support, not diminishing it.
Hypervigilance is a form of high alert to your body and mind. You are constantly looking for threats to yourself, either in your life or your environment. This level of alert is a survival skill first learned in stressful situations, such as combat. It most often will peak as a exaggerated startle reaction, another symptom displayed in PTSD. The body is working overtime and is never in a state of safe rest. Medication is usually necessary to get relief from these symptoms. Believe me, I know. As of today, I am on a combination of 11 medications, with all but 2 of them for these symptoms. PTSD, depression and anxiety is not fun once you realise what is happening to you. But the councilors are assuring me with work, support and time, everyone can usually reconnect with healthy thinking. In order to function better in my daily life, the councilors will help develop positive coping skills needed to avoid letting suspicions or paranoia control my life. But I am not doing to well with the relaxation skills that are needed to lower the stress and triggers to agitation in my life. I laugh when I think how many times they say relax, breath deep. All I want to do is attack instead. I guess it will take awhile to come around, but I am trying.
Each time I visit with a psychiatrist, a psychologist or a councilor, it brings me closer to realising I need help. But with that help, it hurts even worse, knowing how much of an ass I must be towards my family and friends.
There is so much more to this PTSD than I thought. More issues and symptoms need to be brought out in the open so awareness can be made. I am doing this both as a part of my rehabilitation efforts, but more for the other vet that has no idea what is happening to him/her. This is what is most important, getting the vet, or the non-vet, to realise there is a problem but there is help to overcome that problem.
We still have many topics to post on, but for now I am going to try and relax. I spent 7 hours at the VA hospital today. Enough is enough. Enjoy the weekend people, I'll try if you try, together we can still laugh a bit.
Paranoia is a haunting feeling of mistrust. Paranoia is also used diagnostically.
With me, this was a big problem. I remember a time that a past friend was just trying to help me and loan me his truck. Because of a simple statement made by a person who disliked him, I started to think this was not an offer of help, but instead a setup. Instead of taking the action of accepting a hand held out in help, I took it as a plan to come after me. That was just one of the many missed signs of what I was going through. That was just my paranoia. And from there you look to be around people who fuel that paranoia, not as a crutch, but as a way of avoiding the real fact that you are wrong. Instead of listening to reason, you try and find justification. So you look for people who are complete opposite of who you once was.
Paranoia can interfere with every aspect of your life as you fear intimacy and trust, as you instead turn to isolation, which I will discuss at another post time. The veteran may move away from being close to family, friends and all supports in an effort to feel safe because of all those suspicions and paranoid feelings. But in reality, being withdrawn and lonely from distancing yourself from others can increase the feelings of paranoia. The anxiety, depression and other symptoms of experiencing a traumatic event needs this support, not diminishing it.
Hypervigilance is a form of high alert to your body and mind. You are constantly looking for threats to yourself, either in your life or your environment. This level of alert is a survival skill first learned in stressful situations, such as combat. It most often will peak as a exaggerated startle reaction, another symptom displayed in PTSD. The body is working overtime and is never in a state of safe rest. Medication is usually necessary to get relief from these symptoms. Believe me, I know. As of today, I am on a combination of 11 medications, with all but 2 of them for these symptoms. PTSD, depression and anxiety is not fun once you realise what is happening to you. But the councilors are assuring me with work, support and time, everyone can usually reconnect with healthy thinking. In order to function better in my daily life, the councilors will help develop positive coping skills needed to avoid letting suspicions or paranoia control my life. But I am not doing to well with the relaxation skills that are needed to lower the stress and triggers to agitation in my life. I laugh when I think how many times they say relax, breath deep. All I want to do is attack instead. I guess it will take awhile to come around, but I am trying.
Each time I visit with a psychiatrist, a psychologist or a councilor, it brings me closer to realising I need help. But with that help, it hurts even worse, knowing how much of an ass I must be towards my family and friends.
There is so much more to this PTSD than I thought. More issues and symptoms need to be brought out in the open so awareness can be made. I am doing this both as a part of my rehabilitation efforts, but more for the other vet that has no idea what is happening to him/her. This is what is most important, getting the vet, or the non-vet, to realise there is a problem but there is help to overcome that problem.
We still have many topics to post on, but for now I am going to try and relax. I spent 7 hours at the VA hospital today. Enough is enough. Enjoy the weekend people, I'll try if you try, together we can still laugh a bit.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Denial
"Denial is the refusal to acknowledge the truth of something. Denial is a defense mechanism to avoid anxiety and emotional pain."
The veteran can unconsciously use this mechanism to get around painful memories. No one really wants to admit to the possibility that others will look at them as being weak or in need of help, so getting past the denial phase can be very stressful.
Denial is our coping skill to protect ourselves from this stress, but it can, and usually in these cases, does backfire and make you feel worse. We try to convince ourselves that we are fine and do not need any help.
The truth may be that our lives are in chaos and we are having a difficult time functioning in society and everyday life. Often we have a problem with accepting reality because it implies vulnerability. At times we feel out of control and terrified, so denial feels safer than facing the truth. It is always easier to blame others than to admit your own faults.
Learning to discuss these feelings and emotions takes time for most people. With veterans, it is even more difficult because the majority of others have no idea what effects these traumatic experiences has had on us. Add onto this the additional traumas that we faced in our lives, before and after service, and the problem becomes even greater. The old saying of "you have to walk a mile in his shoes before you can really know what he is experiencing" is so true in this case. With so few of your friends or family that know what you really went through, having no experience in combat related or life threatening experiences themselves, makes expressing yourself even harder.
But considering the negative impact that you cause on family and friends is the key to getting past this denial. Seeking forgiveness, understanding and help is only the first step, but one that must be made in order to face reality and recovery. With the help of counseling, along with family and friends understanding what you have been going through, you can gain insight and learn to problem-solve effectively, and your self esteem will grow. You will eventually get to the point that allows you to identify the unrealistic fears, the unrealistic threats, grief and loss issues and anxiety triggers to denial. Hopefully you will get to a point where the defense mechanism of denial is no longer needed to cope with life.
Denial can magnify existing problems, so it is essential to learn how to develop the skills necessary to face life's situations openly, honestly and realistically. You learn you can master your life in a moment, one day at a time, without the need to deny anything, when you know you are supported by someone who understands. This makes anything possible.
But this early in the game, realizing that this is really possible to overcome appears to be insurmountable, a problem that I need to work very hard at completing. Just because I listen to the councilers, just because I retain what I write about here, does not mean I can live this way. Have I run out of time already? I am still seeking that answer today. There is so much more to face, isolation, loneliness, guilt, paranoia are only a few that come to mind. Am I really strong enough to get through it all?
I'll continue this at another time. Small steps each day lead to a week of progress. Your life is full of weeks that turn into months, that turn into years. When does it end? That is a question for each of us to ask ourselves.
The veteran can unconsciously use this mechanism to get around painful memories. No one really wants to admit to the possibility that others will look at them as being weak or in need of help, so getting past the denial phase can be very stressful.
Denial is our coping skill to protect ourselves from this stress, but it can, and usually in these cases, does backfire and make you feel worse. We try to convince ourselves that we are fine and do not need any help.
The truth may be that our lives are in chaos and we are having a difficult time functioning in society and everyday life. Often we have a problem with accepting reality because it implies vulnerability. At times we feel out of control and terrified, so denial feels safer than facing the truth. It is always easier to blame others than to admit your own faults.
Learning to discuss these feelings and emotions takes time for most people. With veterans, it is even more difficult because the majority of others have no idea what effects these traumatic experiences has had on us. Add onto this the additional traumas that we faced in our lives, before and after service, and the problem becomes even greater. The old saying of "you have to walk a mile in his shoes before you can really know what he is experiencing" is so true in this case. With so few of your friends or family that know what you really went through, having no experience in combat related or life threatening experiences themselves, makes expressing yourself even harder.
But considering the negative impact that you cause on family and friends is the key to getting past this denial. Seeking forgiveness, understanding and help is only the first step, but one that must be made in order to face reality and recovery. With the help of counseling, along with family and friends understanding what you have been going through, you can gain insight and learn to problem-solve effectively, and your self esteem will grow. You will eventually get to the point that allows you to identify the unrealistic fears, the unrealistic threats, grief and loss issues and anxiety triggers to denial. Hopefully you will get to a point where the defense mechanism of denial is no longer needed to cope with life.
Denial can magnify existing problems, so it is essential to learn how to develop the skills necessary to face life's situations openly, honestly and realistically. You learn you can master your life in a moment, one day at a time, without the need to deny anything, when you know you are supported by someone who understands. This makes anything possible.
But this early in the game, realizing that this is really possible to overcome appears to be insurmountable, a problem that I need to work very hard at completing. Just because I listen to the councilers, just because I retain what I write about here, does not mean I can live this way. Have I run out of time already? I am still seeking that answer today. There is so much more to face, isolation, loneliness, guilt, paranoia are only a few that come to mind. Am I really strong enough to get through it all?
I'll continue this at another time. Small steps each day lead to a week of progress. Your life is full of weeks that turn into months, that turn into years. When does it end? That is a question for each of us to ask ourselves.
Monday, June 1, 2009
One common symptom of PTSD is ANGER
Anger is a powerful emotion and is experienced for many reasons.
Anger can be expressed with physical and emotional agitation, frustration, indignation, exasperation, hostility or extreme displeasure.
Anger can be expressed physically or emotionally towards oneself or to others.
Aggression can be acted out as a result of the anger causing the veteran to engage in destructive behavior towards their self, others or property.
Aggression may manifest in verbal attacks, violent behavior, general hostility, threats being made towards self or others or agitation. It can take control of the strongest of persons and take on a life of it's own.
Anger and aggression can and almost always lead to depression, another symptom to be discussed later on.
Anger is experienced by many. It can be experienced in a varied degree from mild to extreme rage. When anger is expressed appropriately, the outcome can be positive, promoting growth and facilitating change. When expressed in a negative or dangerous way, the result is hurt feelings to self, family and friends, injury, and physical or emotional illness. This is when anger turned inward causes depression.
Many veterans are not aware of the angry feelings at first. It can take a month, a year or even decades before this anger reaches a point that is recognizable to the veteran, or it is pointed out by professionals or others to the veteran. But they say usually, the anger will rise to the surface sooner or later and the "volcano" will blow. Most will not understand the full force anger has on the veteran unless you have been there, have walked there and have experienced it. That is why it is always good for the veteran to talk with those who understand rather than keep them bottled up inside which causes problems. You must get to the point where you realise that there is safety and understanding in sharing your anger before it gets to the breaking point. Anger can and will effect relationships with family, with friends, with neighbors and with work.
For me, I think I have waited to long, and have destroyed the relationship with many I know and care for. For this I apologize, but realise that it is too late to change those consequences. My councilors say different, but I still can not see changes or undoing what has already happened. It just doesn't work that way. But we will see what happens as time goes by and my treatment progresses.
Next time I post, I think it will be about denial symptom.
Anger can be expressed with physical and emotional agitation, frustration, indignation, exasperation, hostility or extreme displeasure.
Anger can be expressed physically or emotionally towards oneself or to others.
Aggression can be acted out as a result of the anger causing the veteran to engage in destructive behavior towards their self, others or property.
Aggression may manifest in verbal attacks, violent behavior, general hostility, threats being made towards self or others or agitation. It can take control of the strongest of persons and take on a life of it's own.
Anger and aggression can and almost always lead to depression, another symptom to be discussed later on.
Anger is experienced by many. It can be experienced in a varied degree from mild to extreme rage. When anger is expressed appropriately, the outcome can be positive, promoting growth and facilitating change. When expressed in a negative or dangerous way, the result is hurt feelings to self, family and friends, injury, and physical or emotional illness. This is when anger turned inward causes depression.
Many veterans are not aware of the angry feelings at first. It can take a month, a year or even decades before this anger reaches a point that is recognizable to the veteran, or it is pointed out by professionals or others to the veteran. But they say usually, the anger will rise to the surface sooner or later and the "volcano" will blow. Most will not understand the full force anger has on the veteran unless you have been there, have walked there and have experienced it. That is why it is always good for the veteran to talk with those who understand rather than keep them bottled up inside which causes problems. You must get to the point where you realise that there is safety and understanding in sharing your anger before it gets to the breaking point. Anger can and will effect relationships with family, with friends, with neighbors and with work.
For me, I think I have waited to long, and have destroyed the relationship with many I know and care for. For this I apologize, but realise that it is too late to change those consequences. My councilors say different, but I still can not see changes or undoing what has already happened. It just doesn't work that way. But we will see what happens as time goes by and my treatment progresses.
Next time I post, I think it will be about denial symptom.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
What is PTS and PTSD
PTS is Post Traumatic Stress and PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Keeping in mind I am not a professional or expert in the field, and I am going by what I am being told, the easy way of explaining the meaning and difference of both is this:
PTS is the cause of the problem and PTSD is the diagnosis and treatment of the problem. While they both are commonly associated with active service or veterans of the Armed Services, anyone can experience PTS or be diagnosed with PTSD. For now, most of what I want to talk about, and most of what is available for treatment to date, has to do with what effects the active members and veterans of the Armed Services. At times examples of events effecting the public will also be listed. Also, just like tobacco, secondary PTS can effect the family and close friends of someone experiencing PTSD, but so far as I know, nothing is really being done on a large scale treatment that is available for them yet. This is called STSD.
Post means after, which follows the event or combinations of events. These events could have taken place recently, such as in Iraq or far in the past, such as during the Vietnam era. They also can be a combination of events, say during the active service of a veteran and then during a natural disaster, combining different events into one person's mind. But in the long run, it starts with a life threatening event such as being in a combat zone, and then can be exasperated by follow up events.
Traumatic means very, very disturbing. This can be life threatening events, or the fear of being in a life threatening event such as combat. In the public role, such events can be a person experiencing a bad hurricane, or a tornado, a fire, or a flood, which they thought something bad, like the house they are in blowing away. It can also be a really bad accident which they almost died in. All of these examples can be considered as traumatic along with many other types of events.
Stress is the reaction to the event, such as your heart beating faster, headaches, thoughts of loosing control of a situation, just about anything that is not normal to your body's regular motion or action.
Disorder simply means something that is not right, or out of order.
These may seem like such a simple explanation, but the effects on a person is not as simple. They can be held at bay for decades at a time, such as with a Vietnam Veteran, coming out and effecting their life 40 years later. This also has to do with the denial of having PTSD, thinking you have it under control, not needing any help. It can be as recent as our brothers and sisters are experiencing in Iraq and Afghanistan now. What makes it even worse is there are many, many different symptoms that can add up to PTSD but can be overlooked if not drawn together into a single diagnosis. While a veteran could have experienced many violent and disturbing events during a single tour of duty, so can the public by experiencing gang shootings, armed robberies, or natural events. This is important to remember so you should never think just because you did not serve in combat you can not have PTSD.
Diagnostic Criteria for PTSD can, at times, be easy or at times be complicated. There are several events and symptoms that need to be present to separate a diagnosis of PTSD from other disorders that can be confused as PTSD, but stand alone. The event or events must have been experienced, but not all of the symptoms, just most of the symptoms are being experienced.
The first criteria is the event.
The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both the following were present:
A) Experienced, witnessed or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual, threatened or conceived the possibility of death or serious injury, or the threat of the physical integrity of their self or others.
B) The person's response involved experiencing intense fear, helplessness or horror/horrific consequences.
The first symptom is listed as recollection of the event in some fashion, such as recurrent dreams, images, thoughts or perception. These are commonly referred to as flashbacks, but that is not always the case. They can be physiological reactivity to exposure of internal or external causes that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.
Next is the persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event, which includes numbing of general responsiveness not general present before the trauma. A combination of 3 or more of these symptoms are expected to be present:
This can include efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings or conversations associated with the event. This is why many vets do not like to speak about their experiences to others.
They can also avoid activities, places or people that will arouse recollections of the event.
They can have the inability to recall an important aspect of the event, even though the event itself is recalled.
Diminished interest or participation in significant activities is also a symptom that can be present.
Feeling detachment or estrangement from others is common.
Restricted range of affection, such as showing loving or caring feelings is common.
And the final of the common responses, even though these are not all of the responses looked for, is a sense of foreshortened future, an example would be the veteran or person does not expect to have a full career, marriage, children, or normal life span.
Physical symptoms are also indication of PTSD, with the combination of at least 2 of the following:
Difficulty falling or staying asleep.
Irritability or outburst of anger.
Difficulty concentrating.
Hypervigilance or Paranoia.
Exaggerated startle response, reaction to loud noises or sudden awareness of someones presence.
The above listed symptoms, psychological or physical is being experienced longer than one month and the disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.
Diagnosing the disorder also must be categorically classified as being:
Acute: if duration of symptoms is less than 3 months
Chronic: if duration of symptoms are 3 months or more
and if,
Delayed Onset: if onset of symptoms is at least 6 months after the stressor/event or combination of events.
In my next post, I will start to explain some of the symptoms and effects that make living with PTSD can have on the veteran or a person living with STSD.
Keeping in mind I am not a professional or expert in the field, and I am going by what I am being told, the easy way of explaining the meaning and difference of both is this:
PTS is the cause of the problem and PTSD is the diagnosis and treatment of the problem. While they both are commonly associated with active service or veterans of the Armed Services, anyone can experience PTS or be diagnosed with PTSD. For now, most of what I want to talk about, and most of what is available for treatment to date, has to do with what effects the active members and veterans of the Armed Services. At times examples of events effecting the public will also be listed. Also, just like tobacco, secondary PTS can effect the family and close friends of someone experiencing PTSD, but so far as I know, nothing is really being done on a large scale treatment that is available for them yet. This is called STSD.
Post means after, which follows the event or combinations of events. These events could have taken place recently, such as in Iraq or far in the past, such as during the Vietnam era. They also can be a combination of events, say during the active service of a veteran and then during a natural disaster, combining different events into one person's mind. But in the long run, it starts with a life threatening event such as being in a combat zone, and then can be exasperated by follow up events.
Traumatic means very, very disturbing. This can be life threatening events, or the fear of being in a life threatening event such as combat. In the public role, such events can be a person experiencing a bad hurricane, or a tornado, a fire, or a flood, which they thought something bad, like the house they are in blowing away. It can also be a really bad accident which they almost died in. All of these examples can be considered as traumatic along with many other types of events.
Stress is the reaction to the event, such as your heart beating faster, headaches, thoughts of loosing control of a situation, just about anything that is not normal to your body's regular motion or action.
Disorder simply means something that is not right, or out of order.
These may seem like such a simple explanation, but the effects on a person is not as simple. They can be held at bay for decades at a time, such as with a Vietnam Veteran, coming out and effecting their life 40 years later. This also has to do with the denial of having PTSD, thinking you have it under control, not needing any help. It can be as recent as our brothers and sisters are experiencing in Iraq and Afghanistan now. What makes it even worse is there are many, many different symptoms that can add up to PTSD but can be overlooked if not drawn together into a single diagnosis. While a veteran could have experienced many violent and disturbing events during a single tour of duty, so can the public by experiencing gang shootings, armed robberies, or natural events. This is important to remember so you should never think just because you did not serve in combat you can not have PTSD.
Diagnostic Criteria for PTSD can, at times, be easy or at times be complicated. There are several events and symptoms that need to be present to separate a diagnosis of PTSD from other disorders that can be confused as PTSD, but stand alone. The event or events must have been experienced, but not all of the symptoms, just most of the symptoms are being experienced.
The first criteria is the event.
The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both the following were present:
A) Experienced, witnessed or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual, threatened or conceived the possibility of death or serious injury, or the threat of the physical integrity of their self or others.
B) The person's response involved experiencing intense fear, helplessness or horror/horrific consequences.
The first symptom is listed as recollection of the event in some fashion, such as recurrent dreams, images, thoughts or perception. These are commonly referred to as flashbacks, but that is not always the case. They can be physiological reactivity to exposure of internal or external causes that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.
Next is the persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event, which includes numbing of general responsiveness not general present before the trauma. A combination of 3 or more of these symptoms are expected to be present:
This can include efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings or conversations associated with the event. This is why many vets do not like to speak about their experiences to others.
They can also avoid activities, places or people that will arouse recollections of the event.
They can have the inability to recall an important aspect of the event, even though the event itself is recalled.
Diminished interest or participation in significant activities is also a symptom that can be present.
Feeling detachment or estrangement from others is common.
Restricted range of affection, such as showing loving or caring feelings is common.
And the final of the common responses, even though these are not all of the responses looked for, is a sense of foreshortened future, an example would be the veteran or person does not expect to have a full career, marriage, children, or normal life span.
Physical symptoms are also indication of PTSD, with the combination of at least 2 of the following:
Difficulty falling or staying asleep.
Irritability or outburst of anger.
Difficulty concentrating.
Hypervigilance or Paranoia.
Exaggerated startle response, reaction to loud noises or sudden awareness of someones presence.
The above listed symptoms, psychological or physical is being experienced longer than one month and the disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.
Diagnosing the disorder also must be categorically classified as being:
Acute: if duration of symptoms is less than 3 months
Chronic: if duration of symptoms are 3 months or more
and if,
Delayed Onset: if onset of symptoms is at least 6 months after the stressor/event or combination of events.
In my next post, I will start to explain some of the symptoms and effects that make living with PTSD can have on the veteran or a person living with STSD.
Friday, May 29, 2009
New Postings
As I venture into this topic of veterans and their problems in treating some of the effects that spending time in the military and combat zones, and their life in general because of it, I will be referencing several sources. One of the main sources will be interpretations and quoting from Stephanie Laite Lanham's book "Veterans and Families Guide to Recovering from PTSD". Other information will be from my own thoughts and actual dealings/treatments with the help available from the Veterans Admin, the Veterans Hospital and it's clinics, the Lake Worth Vet Center and other sources.
Some of the topics will be PTS and PTSD, which is Post Tramatic Stress and Post Tramatic Stress Disorder.
Other topics will be issues that contribute or are a result of this disorder, such as Anger, Anxiety/Hyperarousal, Cronic Pain, Compulsion, Confusion, Crisis, Delusions, Denial, Depression, Guilt, Isolation, Loneliness, Low Self-Esteem, Paranoia/Hypervigilance, Passive-Aggresive Behavior Sleep Disorders, Substance Abuse and Suicidal Thoughts or Ideation, among other topics.
While I do not claim to be a proffesional in any of these fields, my main goal is to create awareness of these symptoms and the available help for them. For 40 years now I have had problems that originated in the service, but until now, I have denied that I was suffering from them. I do not want any other veteran to go through what I have without letting them know help is available in many forms, and one should not be embarrassed or afraid to ask for that help.
This is the main objective of this blog from today forward.
Some of the topics will be PTS and PTSD, which is Post Tramatic Stress and Post Tramatic Stress Disorder.
Other topics will be issues that contribute or are a result of this disorder, such as Anger, Anxiety/Hyperarousal, Cronic Pain, Compulsion, Confusion, Crisis, Delusions, Denial, Depression, Guilt, Isolation, Loneliness, Low Self-Esteem, Paranoia/Hypervigilance, Passive-Aggresive Behavior Sleep Disorders, Substance Abuse and Suicidal Thoughts or Ideation, among other topics.
While I do not claim to be a proffesional in any of these fields, my main goal is to create awareness of these symptoms and the available help for them. For 40 years now I have had problems that originated in the service, but until now, I have denied that I was suffering from them. I do not want any other veteran to go through what I have without letting them know help is available in many forms, and one should not be embarrassed or afraid to ask for that help.
This is the main objective of this blog from today forward.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Just a thought
With everything going on in the City of Lake Worth, and with all the bickering between the groups with different trains of thought, along with all the crap I am dealing with in my life, I can't even think of getting involved with any one topic that concerns the city. For now, I will discuss the Armed Service Veterans, the VA Hospital, the Vet Center, and Veterans and Families trying to recover from PTSD.
To start with a lighter entry, someone sent me an E-mail with a few jokes and this is the one that I thought was worth while sharing. I have no idea who the original picture was taken by.
For all those that have a neighbor that bugs you, or for all those who attend the city meetings, or have to deal with one of our community leaders or activists, this is the only response you need to give.......
This will be the last, or at least for a long time, I comment on our city and it's groups.
To start with a lighter entry, someone sent me an E-mail with a few jokes and this is the one that I thought was worth while sharing. I have no idea who the original picture was taken by.
For all those that have a neighbor that bugs you, or for all those who attend the city meetings, or have to deal with one of our community leaders or activists, this is the only response you need to give.......
This will be the last, or at least for a long time, I comment on our city and it's groups.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
A "Soldier's Night Before Xmas".
I have always enjoyed this poem at Xmas time for the past few years. It has also been converted to a Xmas song since 2004, plays allot on WIRK Country.
The origins is said to date back to Clement Moore in 1822, written for his children. But records can only be verified to go back to Lance Corporal James M. Schmidt stationed in Wash DC in 1986 or 1991 (never found which date was true, both are listed on several sites). Other sites place the writting by a marine in Korea, and another in Afganistan, saying it was dated after Sept 11, 2001, and was updated almost every year over the next few years. The versions include a "Marine's" and "Sailor's" one besides the one listed as just a "Soldiers" Night before Xmas (the ending sentences are changed to reflect the branch). The last version that was updated was in 2004 that I know of, which was the song version. Some of the recent postings say while it was written, the author asked to pass it along via E-mail, but the request is not attached to the earlier versions.
But really, it doesn't matter who or when it was written, I still enjoy listening to it each and every year I hear it on the radio. So now I pass it along to you.
Enjoy the holidays, and for those who do not like supporting our troops, go to hell.
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.
I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.
I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE.
NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.
WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND.
FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.
THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.
THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.
WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.
SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.
THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.
I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.
THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY.
THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
'SANTA DON'T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;
I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS.'
THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT.
THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, 'CARRY ON SANTA, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE.'
ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
'MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.'
The origins is said to date back to Clement Moore in 1822, written for his children. But records can only be verified to go back to Lance Corporal James M. Schmidt stationed in Wash DC in 1986 or 1991 (never found which date was true, both are listed on several sites). Other sites place the writting by a marine in Korea, and another in Afganistan, saying it was dated after Sept 11, 2001, and was updated almost every year over the next few years. The versions include a "Marine's" and "Sailor's" one besides the one listed as just a "Soldiers" Night before Xmas (the ending sentences are changed to reflect the branch). The last version that was updated was in 2004 that I know of, which was the song version. Some of the recent postings say while it was written, the author asked to pass it along via E-mail, but the request is not attached to the earlier versions.
But really, it doesn't matter who or when it was written, I still enjoy listening to it each and every year I hear it on the radio. So now I pass it along to you.
Enjoy the holidays, and for those who do not like supporting our troops, go to hell.
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.
I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.
I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE.
NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.
WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND.
FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.
THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.
THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.
WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?
I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.
SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.
THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.
I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.
THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY.
THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
'SANTA DON'T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;
I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS.'
THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT.
THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, 'CARRY ON SANTA, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE.'
ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
'MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.'
Thursday, September 11, 2008
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